It was yet another week in which I wanted to pull all my hair out and run up and down my block screaming, at the top of my lungs, with my clothes inside out. Okay, maybe that was a hyperbole, but still, I really felt the need to scream. I was overloaded with school work, feeling inferior at the same time. Why? I don't know. Hormones maybe? I feel like I'm slacking off, not doing everything that I'm capable of. All I want to do is write, but sometimes it seems almost impossible.
This week was also emotionally draining, and that's an understatement. I literally have no trust for anyone anymore. I've spent my whole life with a wall accompanying me. I've waited for someone to come and try to break it down, and every time, even if it's just a little piece, it turns into a calamity. People are just so "two-faced." You love someone, they let you down. You trust someone, they make you question your judgment. That's my very pessimistic way of looking at it, I advise you to do the opposite. But, one positive thing that always occurs when people turn on me, I realize who my true friends are. I find the people who i know I can count on, who will be there, who will try to get the real story instead of listening to the rumors, the people who really love me. I find them and that's worth any tears I might cry. Though, the cycle begins all over, the satisfaction of being certain of those who've secretly broken down my walls, even if its just for a moment, is one of the most appeasing feelings, ever. We're so busy looking for the people who attempt to break down our walls with a sledgehammer as an exposition, that we miss those who break it down with their bare hands, brick by brick, gently taking it down to be with us. Remember, all that glitters isn't gold.
If I wasn't so sick and filled with these aggravating seasonal allergies, I'd be able to continue on a completely new topic, that's been egging at me ever since I started this blog. I think I might actually begin a continuous section with it, because it's so detailed. Here's a little hint: People, there's so many of us, there's so many stories and only few will share. You pass a person on the street, catch their eyes, the feeling in them, do you ever wonder what their story is? (Ironically enough, [I hate the word irony, my week was overcome with writing an essay on it!] this has to do with the breaking down of walls, so we'll consider above an introduction!)
I pray that everyone else had a much more relaxing week, but if not, you're not alone, and next week will be better!
Side note: The other day I went to confession and had the most amazing conversation with my priest whom helped me put things into perspective. Tonight, his father passed away so please keep him and his family in your prayers, this week of blogposts will be dedicated to him and all those who have faced catastrophe lately.
Song that cries my tears with me, so moving: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn17aYhXudA (Sometimes we cry by Van Morrison and Tom Jones)
“Every wall is a door.”
Keep seeing your walls as doors, your difficulties as opportunities, and those whom are bitter towards you as the best lesson givers.
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