Intertwining the deepness of my heart and the thickness of my mind.

Okay, so today I went to see "Eat Pray Love." This is one of the first times I saw the movie without reading the book, but i loved it regardless.
One line that resonated with me was "Select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes." I don't know about you, but I spend an awful amount of time choosing what clothes I want to wear for the day. Imagine if thoughts were clothes, how long would you spend choosing them? It's our choice to decide how we think. Whether to be positive or negative. Happy or sad. It all effects our thought process and the way we feel. We spend so much time on useless things, like what we are going to wear (even though I adore fashion), and we don't worry about how we think; how we feel. So if you decide to wear a dress, decide what thoughts are going to be paired up with that dress, not what shoes. (Or you can decide both, of course) I know when I'm wearing an outfit I feel confident, no one can stop me. Now, I just need to accessorize it with the perfect thoughts.
We are so oblivious and blinded by the way society conforms us. It's our turn to show that we can be our own people. We can be happy without being like everyone else. In fact, we can show them we can be happier. It all comes down to how you think. If you think you can take on the world, all the more power to you. We as a people try so hard to be what someone else wants to be, do we ever stop and ask: what do i want? I'm starting to ask that and I'm starting to find who I am, very slowly. I'm starting to understand what I truly want and erase all the things that I thought were important. To be honest, I feel I'm starting to actually feel things and feel them hard. Understand that we need to be tied to our thoughts, not distant from them. I'm starting to take no words lightly and examine everything. I'm starting to be happy and kinder and love a bit more. That's all I need. I was no where near to anything good before, now I'm starting a new route down the road I'm traveling. I'm finally out of the fast moving HOV lane and I'm content with sitting in traffic. Finding out who I am and where I want to be and not rushing into anything. These are the thoughts I need to keep glued to my head, actually, to my heart. My heart finally is starting to learn how to think. Now, it's not just all my head's work.
Think. Think beautifully about yourself, about your life, about how wonderful you can be. Stop just dreaming start actually thinking. With your heart and your mind. Soon, you're outfits really will be complete and you're emotions will make you unstoppable. And I promise, you'll be great.

So, I got a little writer happy, hey, I need something to distract me. From everything. I'm staying positive and I'm still hoping for what I desperately want. I've waited and I'll keep waiting and I feel it coming. I feel my wish will hopefully be granted. At the moment I'm so content though, actually a little beyond content. *By the way, I've never told you specifically about what I'm so desperately hoping for, but you can have some fun guessing:)*

Any shorter.

I'm just going to keep hoping. And wishing. And wanting. I guess I really do have bad luck.

Sunday Morning Rain is Falling.

So it didn't really rain this morning. But hey, today is Sunday. A very good one too.
Sunday is always very routined. Family day, church, sports. The usual. Today was a surprisingly beneficial one though.
I went with my father and brother to a botanical gardens by my house. It's absolutely gorgeous. Being in such a modern society makes it so hard to appreciate all of the simple things sometime. It was good to just be outside, away from the world, appreciating all the things people used to appreciate. Don't get me wrong, I love being in a modernized world, but we still need to appreciate the simple things. The very few things that haven't changed.
Then, I ran into someone. He said to me "never give up." It took me while to realize how significant those words are. I'm sure all of us experience wanting to give up things, even if we work hard, especially if we work hard, because we don't seem to be getting anywhere. I guess it's all about patience, some people succeed right away, but the others were patient and never gave up. Never give up. You will always end up wanting to go back and the majority of the time it will be to late. If you never give up, you'll finally reach the top. It's just a matter of how much you care. Never give up on anything or anyone, especially if you love them.
Lastly, I went to church. It's so helpful. Whatever religion you are, find a way to celebrate it, because it helps. I realized that you can't start at the top. it's just not possible. Besides, the only place you can go from the top, is down. You need to be humble and place yourself at the bottom, that way, people will help to carry you up. Don't automatically assume you deserve a place at the top. Even if you're placed there, it's very easy to come tumbling down.
Appreciate. Never give up. Stay humble.<3

I Guess It's Time to Forget the Past and Move Onto the Future.

This summer was boring. Just saying. I need some excitement in my life, but it will come. I hope.
So, all of us regret things, right? I pray that I'm not the only one. I regret so many things. I regret not taking opportunities. Once they're gone, I realize what I'm missing. Now it's too late. I honestly hope that God has opportunities on replay, that they'll come back when I really need them.
I'm starting to need them.
I'm so grateful for my lovely friends though, they help me get through failure. Or at least me feeling like a failure. My amazing friend said something to me today that made me feel so much better. She reminded me that everything happens for a reason. It really is true. You just got to remember that.
So, don't neglect to take your chances. I guarantee you'll regret it. I think I sound like a broken record, but whatever. It's just that if I could take back a handful of things believe me I would. Life doesn't have a rewind button. It also doesn't have a fast forward button so we don't know what the future holds. All I know is I don't want anyone to feel the way I do, so the few, if any, people that read this, I want you to do what I forget to do, so you can be as happy as possible. Don't regret anything, please. <3

" No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one"

That amazingly accurate quote is credit to Elbert Hubbard.
The reason why I haven't written in so long is because I was on vacation in Montauk, New York. A beautiful and entertaining town.
When it's not raining. Yes, you read that right. Raining the whole entire time I was there when I was supposed to be on the beach. Just my luck. Now I really do need a vacation. I did enjoy myself playing left right center and bannagrams. Go check out those games by the way.
I missed writing. I love it so much, but I'm saving that topic for a different post. That's past the point. I realized, that some people just give off bad vibes. Thank goodness I feel strange with these people or I'd be in a lot of trouble. Some people are meant to know each other and some people are meant to stay away form each other. It's just a question of where is that line drawn? So far, I've done a great job of choosing what people to surround myself with. I have a great variety of people and yet all of them are good influences. The people I know that would steer me the wrong way have been quickly led out of my life. It's just lately, I have just been so bored that I've been letting in the strangest of people. Gratefully, I was pinched, woke up, and now those people are slowly finding their ways out again. You can make it anywhere and be great if you surround yourself with the right people. So examine who's in your life, what they do, what they try to make you do, and figure out if thats where you want to be headed. If so, you did a good job. If not, gladly show those people to the door.
I guess I'm just going to wait. Until that one person, that one great person, come along and helps me out. At the moment, I definitely need some help. The only thing is, I'm worried that I already let that person pass me by. But as I say, sometimes you have to let something go to see if it will come back. I pray that they come back. I wish everyone, someday, gets what they need. <3

Pictured above- The nice weather is the last day I was there. The day I couldn't enjoy it. The other pictures are of how gloomy it was. My little brother gladly let me take pictures of him. That would never of happened if we weren't so bored. Oh, and I barely have any pictures on my blog. Thats will HOPEFULLY change. No promises. (haha)

Thoughts two & three

Now onto thoughts two and three of yesterdays blogpost.
#2: Love is abused.
In the last week I've had two people point out something to me. Roughly 90% of songs on the radio are about love and relationships. It makes all that seem so overrated. Why can't those things be special? Be something that is shared with the person you love, not the whole world. Granted, there has to be a lot of love songs still, but not almost the whole radio has to be filled with songs about love. It's like Valentine's day being every single day of the year and for us single people, it's "singles awareness" day being everyday of the year. It's as if love isn't special anymore. It isn't something we long for and cherish. It just seems to be a trend. That's probably why love doesn't last anymore. Because trends don't ever last, do they? If we keep treating love as a trend then it's not really love. It's just a topic of conversation, a way to make money, a way to fit in. But love isn't like that and it shouldn't be like that. It should be appreciated. Someone, somewhere loves you. They're not a pair of skinny jeans, or dark nail polish. They're not your new car or new video game. Once they get old, don't throw them away. Grow old with them. Love isn't a trend. It's a gift. That should last. My grandparents have been married for almost 60 years. When they were growing up, they had each other and that's all they new. They weren't trying to fit in with the crowd or follow trends. They just loved because they knew that was the only right thing to do. So many elder people are like that. We were given amazing examples, why can't we follow them? Why can't we just love, love above everything else?

#3: I'm dying alone with 14 cats.
Okay, that title wasn't necessarily true, and I pray it's not. I'm still trying to stay positive. You know if you think it, you become it. So I'm hoping I have and amazing husband and 4 kids, but who knows. At the moment, loneliness overwhelms me. I would probably be okay with it, if I didn't know what I was missing. I just wish I had that someone who appreciates all I do. Loves me for who I am. That's not too much to ask right? I need someone I can talk to and who I can tell everything too. But I guess that's too much to wish for. Anyways, that thought was pretty much pointless but I'm sure a lot of people agree. One day it will happen, I really, really hope so. I give my heart out for people and I try to be the best I can be, but I get nothing in return. One day though, one day. Enjoy my #2 thought, this one was probably annoying.
<3

Friday the 13th.

This week has put me into such an emotional funk. Well, not necessarily just this week, because for a pretty long time I've been in one, but this week put me over the edge. The deaths especially were the icing on the cake. I'm a pretty strong person, so being sad isn't really that bad because I usually pull myself right out of the dumbs, but lately, it hasn't been anything near that. Now, I just plaster a smile on my face and laugh whenever I'm given the opportunity. My life is fine. It really is. I have many blessings. But there is a huge line between fine and happy. I've been happy before, and that's why it hurts so much, because I know what it's like and I miss it so much. Enough with my depressing writing though, I don't want to drag people down with me.
So today I have three things to talk about.
#1: The Funeral.
Today I went to the funeral. It was stunning. It captures the essence of dying and turns it into a positive thing. Though it was very emotional and the water that filled everybody's eyes could prevent thirst for years, it was beautiful. It made me realize that everyone dies the way they live. If you live helping people, you die a hero. If you live hurting people, you die being hurt. If you live in peace, you die in peace. There are countless examples I could make and it's all the truth. We need to understand that death comes. It comes hard and it hurts relentlessly. But no on can prevent it. We can only do so much to make it a great thing. You want to know my one request? That everyone that comes to my funeral wears bright colors. I don't want people to remember me in sorrow. I want them to remember me in happiness, because whether they no it or not. I'm so grateful to have been surrounded by the people I'm surrounded with in my life. So we need to remember that every day builds up on our life shelf. That's what I call it. My life shelf. Each day is put up on the shelf. My goal, is to have each day be a trophy. I want it to be worth putting on that shelf. My mother told me to wake up every morning and say "how can I be a better person?" That's what i need to do. So every day on that shelf is shiny and makes me proud that I was able to live like that. I know I'm guaranteed to have some rusty trophies up there, but no one can have a perfect shelf. I mean, we're humans. We all have legacy's. Whether we leave them behind or not is totally up to us. We can live our life fully or fully forget to live.

Well I'll end with this. My other topics will be saved for tomorrow. Writing really does help you through so much, and I hope reading this does as well. Rack up the trophies! <3

My Odd Proposition.

So, I decided that my spontaneous writing about random things without an explanation is getting old. Why can't I be like a normal blog and tell about my day-to-day activities or choose a topic from the beginning and just write about that? I have no idea. My mindset is off at the moment. Probably just because it's summer. So, I decided once September hits, that's when I'll start writing controllably. Every day, I'll write about things that actually happen (of course they will have to be significant things, and the moral of why I'm writing it all will come at the end.) That should be much easier to follow and more organized for me. One of my goals for this year, since I have the organizational skills of a cat. (I looked it up, supposedly they're very messy!) Wow, I'm weird. I guess you haven't learned that about me through my writing yet. I feel like I sound so intellectual on these things. I just want to sound normal, average, so you can understand where I'm coming from and grasp what Im saying. Back to my point. I need a place to record my ideas and my feelings and this is the perfect place. I just feel it needs to be more organized. So September= beginning of organization. Since I also write poems and strange things like that on here, those are reserved for fridays. Hopefully I won't be too busy and miss writing. I hate when I don't write, or do something with my life. I was talking to my friend the other day and she said "I just feel like I'm wasting away my life." So, yea, I'm young, but I still need to be active and take charge of my life, and when I get older, hopefully it will all pay off. Or it can just be a waste and I'm going to regret being so on top of myself. But hey, I'm trying to stay positive. My life is bipolar, if I haven't said it before. It's sad, then happy, busy, then boring. I should be the next Miley Cyrus, you know, having the best of both worlds and everything. (Haha, I should work on my sense of humor too, shouldn't I?) Update: My new obsession is the reality show on HBO- Hard Knocks. It follows around the New York Jets football team. I absolutely love the Jets. (Don't stop reading if you don't like the jets!) I've written enough to bore you for a year. Have a good day!

Forever.

Forever I will love you.

I held your hand
You held mine back
I could see the way you glow
Even if we were in the midst of deep black

I still hear the words
You said to me before I closed my eyes
When my dreams would turn into nightmares
You'd be with me until it was time to arise

And throughout my bad times
You were always at my side
And whenever I was was at my best
You'd never neglect to tell me how bright i shined

I'm sorry for whatever I may of said
That caused you any pain
And what ever I had done
That caused you any strain

I honor you like no other
And love you even more
Life is way to short
To be living in the midst of a loveless war.

Forever I will love you.

Wake me up, when September ends.

Today was one of those days I can't describe. I've drowned myself in tears. I can't even believe I just wrote that sentence, I can't look at the word "drowned" ever the same. Life is precious. Every single moment you have, remember it might just be your last, or the last you see someone you love. Death hits hard. Especially when it's not common to you. So let me explain the reason why I can't feel my face, my face is dried from all the tears, and my heat is crumbling. I thought seeing someone get hit by a car was enough misfortune for the day. I thought that would be the only thing I'd have to write about, the only person I'd have to pray for. but no. God had other plans for this day. At first, when I saw the young person get hit by the car I was shocked. I mean about 13 years young they were. That was the first time I've ever seen my dad wear a seatbelt. At the same moment, my father and I shared something that is what God wants each and every one of us to know, how precious life is. We both saw it in each others eyes and knew that we only have so little time. Later that day I got the worst news I've heard in a long time, my best friends mom died at only 44. She drowned. How terrible of a way that is to die. I was only in shock. Such a good person. Beautiful too, inside and out. Why God took her, it's hard for me to grasp. God only gives things to people who can handle it, or people who need it. He wants to see those who can take the negative and make it a positive. Though it's extremely hard to see death as a positive, people do. My heart aches with the sadness filling the spaces around me. but behind every 3 tears of sorrow, there is a tear of joy. Joy that a community is brought together. Though it's sad we're only brought together over death, it's much needed. I ask you to pray for this family. Pray that they too will rise above and turn the negative into a positive and know that they have a beautiful woman watching over them day in and day out. In the end, this taught people, who didn't even think about events like this, to treasure every moment of life, especially with those you love. To not take things for granted and to love unconditionally until the very end. To know bad things happen but pray they won't. And to never ever forget that being alive is beyond amazing and that death leads us to new places and if you have faith, those places are good places. Overall, I hope people know how much an impact death has. You may not realize it when it happens to someone you don't know, but when it happens to someone you love, you finally understand. Life is a gift.

Lazy Days.

I guess I actually haven't been lazy. So the title is somewhat of a lie, but I have been very busy! It's been retaining me from writing as much as I would like to. But today I had to write because I realized something very important today. Confidence is key to success. Anything you do, you need to do with confidence (and heart and hustle of course) to be great at it. If you think you're bad at something, than you will be. If you think you're not beautiful, than you're not. If you think you're not worth bieng loved, than you're not. Everything starts with you. You need to know that you were made the way you are for a reason. Everything you do, you do it because you have the ability to, just believe and know, for a fact, that you also have the ability to succeed at everything you do. If you have confidence. To be great you have to know you're great before anyone else knows it. You need to be pleased with yourself before you please anyone else. If you start being great for others before you are for yourself than you already have lost. I finally realized that if I believe in myself and not listen to what others say, and only to what I think (only positive things I hope) than I will succeed. And I have. Be confident. Know how great you are, all your capabilities, and that the people that think they're better than you aren't. You're the best if you think you're the best. (But don't get to carried away. Stay humble but secretly know). You will win.

Driving Me Crazy.

Why do people insist on stopping you from doing what you love? Better yet, why do we let people stop us from doing what we love? Sometimes, it comes down to the point where you give up. Where you think there is no need to keep trying. You tell yourself it's easy to find another thing to love, but is it really? Love cones along in the strangest ways. Sometimes, you need an open mind to see where love pops up. So, when love does choose to appear, grasp it real tight with both hands, because you don't want it slipping away and you definitely don't want someone taking it away. I've given up way to many times before, but not this time. I'm trying to maintain all the great things in my life and I'm not going to let them be taken away now. No matter what anyone says, because I know out there, there are people who feel the same exact way as me. So if you love it, keep loving it even if people don't want you to. It's only your heart that you can control and it's only your heart that can make you smile.