This week has put me into such an emotional funk. Well, not necessarily just this week, because for a pretty long time I've been in one, but this week put me over the edge. The deaths especially were the icing on the cake. I'm a pretty strong person, so being sad isn't really that bad because I usually pull myself right out of the dumbs, but lately, it hasn't been anything near that. Now, I just plaster a smile on my face and laugh whenever I'm given the opportunity. My life is fine. It really is. I have many blessings. But there is a huge line between fine and happy. I've been happy before, and that's why it hurts so much, because I know what it's like and I miss it so much. Enough with my depressing writing though, I don't want to drag people down with me.
So today I have three things to talk about.
#1: The Funeral.
Today I went to the funeral. It was stunning. It captures the essence of dying and turns it into a positive thing. Though it was very emotional and the water that filled everybody's eyes could prevent thirst for years, it was beautiful. It made me realize that everyone dies the way they live. If you live helping people, you die a hero. If you live hurting people, you die being hurt. If you live in peace, you die in peace. There are countless examples I could make and it's all the truth. We need to understand that death comes. It comes hard and it hurts relentlessly. But no on can prevent it. We can only do so much to make it a great thing. You want to know my one request? That everyone that comes to my funeral wears bright colors. I don't want people to remember me in sorrow. I want them to remember me in happiness, because whether they no it or not. I'm so grateful to have been surrounded by the people I'm surrounded with in my life. So we need to remember that every day builds up on our life shelf. That's what I call it. My life shelf. Each day is put up on the shelf. My goal, is to have each day be a trophy. I want it to be worth putting on that shelf. My mother told me to wake up every morning and say "how can I be a better person?" That's what i need to do. So every day on that shelf is shiny and makes me proud that I was able to live like that. I know I'm guaranteed to have some rusty trophies up there, but no one can have a perfect shelf. I mean, we're humans. We all have legacy's. Whether we leave them behind or not is totally up to us. We can live our life fully or fully forget to live.
Well I'll end with this. My other topics will be saved for tomorrow. Writing really does help you through so much, and I hope reading this does as well. Rack up the trophies! <3
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