My Wish.

Well, today was filled with quarrels and predicaments that were not supposed to show up today, but of course they had to come. I mean what would my life be without them? Easy possibly? Yet again, another day wasted with unwanted tears and piercing words. Anyway, I'm just to confused to write today and all I could think about all day were the lyrics to the song "My Wish" by Rascall Flatts. Even if you dislike country, you should seriously check this song out. When I got home I listened to it on replay. The words make me smile and I would kill to have a song like this dedicated to me. All rights to this song belong to the band, they're amazing. Just thought it would make you smile and maybe help you dig deeper into the lyrics.

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you

And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get

Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
(My wish for you)

This is my wish
(My wish for you)
I hope you know somebody loves you
(My wish for you)
May all your dreams stay big
(My wish for you)

compliments of http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/rascal-flatts-lyrics/my-wish-lyrics.html

Just to See.

Gaining speed
Just to be stopped in my tracks.
Finally being someone
Just to be laughed at.
Growing larger
Just to be trampled back down.
Genuinely Smiling
Just to see someone turn it into a frown.
Loving harder
Just to see my heart break longer.
Laughing Louder
Just to have someone's laugh be stronger.
Learning more
Just to see me care a little less.
Holding on
Just to see my grip be stronger while other slip.
Hoping relentlessly
Just to come out alive.
Only seeing those who care
Just to forget all those who could care less.
Being strong
Just to watch those who thought they were, crumble into a mess.
Letting go
Just to see what might come back.
Keep on walking
Just to see who's still stuck behind when I turn around.

Heart and Hustle and Heart and Hustle.

I remember advice someone told me a few years ago. Heart and Hustle. I've never forgot it, but I have failed to utilize these words at times. Today is one of those days. Each of us are given so many opportunities. So many things we can be. So many chances we can make the best of or totally blow. Some things we are naturals out and some things we absolutely atrocious at. (For me that's singing and dancing, even though some people think I should be a performer, it's just not my calling.) Then, there are some of us who aren't naturals , but work furiously. Those people sometimes go farther than those who just are born with the ability. It's all about heart. Having a brilliantly driven heart when doing what you love. You need to love what you do and show that love with the amount of heart you do it with. You could be phenomenal at something, but if no one sees that heart and desire in you, than you're not a standout, you just blend in. You also have to hustle in everything you do. Not just "hustling" physically, but mentally. Doing all you can and working your hardest. You can always do something good, be something good, but the amount of heart and hustle you exert is what separates the good from the great. I've been forgetting all of this. I do a variety of things and I'm very selective with which ones I put my heart and hustle into. What I forgot, is that to succeed at them all, equality is key. Giving an equal amount of heart and hustle into everything I do. I used to be unstoppable. I put every ounce of heart and every liter of hustle into all that I did. Now, I've let the positive feedback get into my head. Not anymore. I need to remember that the only way I'll truly be great is with these to words. They are now tattooed onto my soul and hopefully I won't forget them, hopefully I'll still be that girl with the heavy heart and constant hustle, because that's who I truly want to be. Not the best, but the one who tries the hardest. So keep these words tattooed to your soul. These words are more important than the names of the people who've broken your heart. So get those words off your soul and instead let these words flow through it. Do everything you have with extraordinary heart and ceaseless hustle and I'm sure you'll be just another success story, hopefully a success story who actually has a smile. Heart and hustle. <3

People Surprise Me.

The world is crazy and beyond unpredictable. What I don't understand is why people always complain about it. It honestly isn't as bad as we think. I mean some people's lives suck. I'm just going to be honest with that. Those are the people who don't complain about the world though, those are the ones that try to make it even better and strive to see what's so wonderful about it. It's the people who have it made that see the world as horrific. Figuring out all they have that is good is to easy for them. Figuring out what is bad gives them an entertaining challenge. What they don't realize is that they are the ones ruining this place. Sure, there are bad things, but imagine what life would be without sin. We would have no need to attempt to do good and nothing to inspire us to do good. Sin is needed to keep us on the right track and learn right from wrong. It's us who learn from sin that gain from it. The ratio of pleasing things compared to awful things isn't even countable. It's just our human, contradictory eyes make us see that ratio the opposite way. We have so much more fun complaining rather than praising. So much more fun seeing the negative and not the positive. So much more fun hating rather than loving. So much more fun doing the opposite of what we're supposed to do and that's what truly makes the world bad. We judge things without seeing the conclusive picture. It's like just being able to see with one eye, sometimes the sides are cut off and you only get to see what's in front of you. It may take a little bit of energy, but open that second eye. See what you've been missing, because sometimes those sides complete the picture and change a whole person's perspective. There is always a good side and a bad side. It's our choice to chose which one to view.

Doing everything you can or not doing anything at all.

I'm so bad at being consistent. Not purposely, I desire so badly to be consistent but my schedule makes it such a challenge to be. I haven't written in quite sometime and that makes me feel useless and disconsolate. I truly think there is something wrong with me. Something wrong with my head. I've been attempting to diagnose myself with some strange website but I've let my imagination run wild and now I think I have over 30 different diseases. (That's what I do when I'm bored. When I should be writing. And no, I'm not really that strange, I just have a habit of convincing myself things. That's where the problem starts.) I've come to a point where I have convinced myself that I don't do anything productive with my life. Why do I think that? Its so idiotic that I would even think that because for my age, I do many activities that could keep me busy for a lifetime. The one thing that irritates me the most and causes me to think that is that I'm not successful at what I do. No one reads this blog, at least not that I know of, and everything else I do still hasn't taken off. I think I bore people with this, but at times I believe it could be somewhat helpful. Long story short, I feel as if all my effort is useless, but I keep telling myself patience and consistency (well sort-of) are what will lead em to success. At least self-believed success. But for now, I hope to continue to write, write, write, and write some more, until I'm confident my writing will impact someone. Anyone.

Slipping away

The way I feel
If only you felt it too
The burning in the center of my heart
And the twisting in the pit of my stomach.
How I want to talk so desperately
But words never seem to find their way out
How your smile melts me
But I just can't find the strength to smile back
I never showed it
But I really do have this secret affection for you
I was never brave enough to say it
And then I realized I was at fault
Because you slipped away so quickly
Like sand through the spaces between my fingers.
If only my words would matter now
And there was rewind button in life
Because I would tell you at any moment I could
So I wouldn't be faced with the torturous pain
When you happened to slip away.

“Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.”

It seems like everything lately has been about goodbyes. Letting go of things in the past and hoping to see if they'll ever come back in the future. It's truly hard. Emotional. Draining. Everything. Saying goodbye takes a lot more courage than saying hello. Things are scattered in our lives. Some things are meant to stay. Somethings are meant to leave. But the most precious things in our lives leave and slowly find their way back. We have to all, sadly, face the cold truth. When things leave, we need to let go. Eventually, we'll move on. Somethings will take longer than others to move on from, but it will happen. Something else will come into your life, something better. Even in the darkness with no hope left, there's still the indefinite chance that what you let go of may find its way back into your grasp. It's in the taking of chances that your wishes come true. That you find out things you've never known before. Life hurts and it hurts a lot, but medicine is scattered throughout the tiny predicaments we face. We just need the strength and optimism to find it. Maybe goodbye is really a hello. A hello to something you never knew about yourself and the immense amount of fortitude inside of you. Scars build character. Think of goodbyes as scars to the brain. Let go. Come to closure with yourself so you can start again and find who you really are. Take a risk that will turn into a good choice and say farewell. Something new will come along or, if needed, something old. We truly have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to. Goodbye. <3

Your words are knives that slice right through my soul.

If you have a big mouth, keep it shut. Words re the sharpest of weapons. When you decide to use words the wound inflicted can be a very challenging thing to heal and the majority of the team it never truly is. Blog post later to come. Excessively busy!!

“An inordinate passion for pleasure is the secret of remaining young”

My initial thought was to not right today. That was only because I'm delusional and the heat is messing with my hormones and playing a very big toll on my emotions. At least that's the excuse I came up with for my desire of not wanting to write. Instead, I chose to write anyway because it, in a strange sense, is my therapy. A blank page is my best friend. It will listen to anything I have to say and never does it disagree with me nor have anything negative to say. So it's time to talk to my best friend again. Lately life has been boring, uneventful. I can't stand it. Youth is when you are supposed to experience everything. Make mistakes, learn from them. Do things adults aren't fond of but you understand that it just makes you more experienced on the course of life. Go to a variety of different places and see things that amaze you. When you become an adult, things become much less phasing as I can tell. When I look into the eyes of adults, I see stress and dullness. When i look into eyes of people close to my age I see happiness, ignorance, and curiosity. I am failing. Failing my generation. (Haha) So, as my summer vow, I will experience life with open eyes and smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. Laugh. And do everything in between. So please jon me before our eyes fade from vibrant to dull. <3

Oh aren't I patriotic?

I know I'm so late! Well just a day, but the past weekend I had no access to a computer. (Trust me, it was social death.) So for my 4th of July post I wrote a short story, well not specifically for the 4th, but it was written. So here it is and a picture. Enjoy! Hope your holiday weekend was great!

I sat on my kitchen counter on the morning of the Fourth of July. I looked out the window, while listening to my grandmother sing the National Anthem. She was cooking American Flag cookies for the festivities later this night.
“Grandma, you really love this holiday, don’t you?” I asked.
“Actually Bella, I do love this holiday!” She exclaimed.
I couldn’t yet comprehend why my grandmother loved it so much.
“Honestly, what’s so special about this holiday anyway?”
“Bella! How dare you say that, do you know what this holiday is about?”
“No, not really.”
“Well I think I better show you something.”
Grandma went upstairs and came down with a little booklet.
“Your father wrote this book before he died,” she said “I think you better read this before the fireworks tonight.”
I wasn’t thrilled about the reading but I was thrilled that it was my father’s. A father’s who has been out of my life for over a year now.
I went outside on the porch since it was such a gorgeous day out and I started my reading. I opened the book and the first page had just a saying, “America Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.” Slowly, the book told me the history and awe of this country. As I began to read, it all started out with the Pilgrims who risked may thing so that this country would have a good platform to be built off of. Then came the Revolutionary War. I was astounded at how much the colonists did so that this could be an independent country. They fought until the day they died so that we could now have the lives we have could now have the lives we have today. They created this country out of the little that they had and made it become one of the most inspirational and influential places; The United Sates of America.
Reading this didn’t feel like reading, it felt as if I was a time traveler passing through our country’s history. Throughout the book, people fought and succeeded to end discrimination against different skin colors and races. Brave women fought to receive the right to vote. Religious freedom was granted and now everyone can freely celebrate his or her faith. My father also wrote about the brave inventors who dared to ask questions and made life changing medical and mechanical advances, such a disease cures and planes. I realized that this country is amazing. The freedoms I have that many countries do not and the history that not one country can even compete with.
This book made me realize how lucky I am to live in this country and made me ask so many questions. Where would we be without those brave people who came before? Just imagine. Their courage and honor pushed them to create a country that cannot be explained in just words. I get the chance to live this privileged life of freedom and choices because American gave birth to some of the bravest people of all time. Those brave people are also still continuing to come. The mighty men and women in the United States Armed forces fight every day so we can be safe in our homes. While reading this part of the book, several tears fell from my eyes because my father gave his life in the Armed Forces so that we would all be safe at home. Not a million “thank you’s” could express my gratitude towards all the brave who came before and all that are continuing to come.
I dropped the book, stood up straight and tall, and screamed, “I am and American and I’m proud!” I ran upstairs, grabbed my American flag pin and pinned it on my shirt. I ran down the road to the beach where the sun was setting. I found my Grandmother lying in the sand holding an American flag. I ran and sat next to her.
I whispered, “I finally know why you love this holiday so much.”
No one said another word. We just stared at the American Flag in her hand and gazed at the fireworks as well. When it was all finished, my Grandmother handed me a necklace, “Your father wanted me to give you this, today was the perfect day to do it.” I looked at the necklace, on the back of the golden star pendant it said, “America Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.”

Hold true friends with both of your hands.

Before I start, I dedicate this post to my friends. I love them more than anything in the world.
I'm a person who pushes people away. I don't push them away because I want to, but I do it because I love them. I push those I love away. It's terrible, I know, but I do it to risk being hurt. I do it so that I don't have to risk loosing those I love. I guess it started when my parents got divorced. I discovered that if I pushed those I love away, it didn't hurt so much when they really left. It's taken me some time to figure out I was wrong. I was wrong to push those people away because they are some of the best people on this earth. I love them to heaven and back. The thing is, they don't know it. I wish they did. I wish I could tell all of them how much they mean to me, but I'm not to talented at expressing things with my words. So, I decided to write it. If you're like me, I beg you to not push people away. It only hurts you, just as it's hurt me. Sometimes you loose people, but sometimes God realizes just how much you need them and lets them stay. Loosing people is part of life. Not having anybody to loose is sad. I regret all the times I've ever pushed someone away. Now I know that I have to be a little more open to be genuinely happy. All types of people. Variety. Life is so great and to not have anyone to spend it with is a waste. It reminds me of this quote: "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." (C.S. Lewis) Maybe we can live life without people to share it with, but it sure as hell won't be worth living. Please don't push people away. Love with open arms. And once in a while, tell your friends how much you love them because I assure you, you won't have to lose them. Don't be afraid of losing because it will help you remember how great that person you lost was.
<3

“Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”

Secrets. They scare me to death. The responsibility of having to keep them. The horror of knowing someone is actually trusting you with them. The thing I hate most about secrets is that some people trust you with secrets that could potentially hurt someone else if you don't mention them. The hardest point is choosing whether to forget that you even heard the secret, or telling the person that it could hurt. It's always challenging for me. Deciding on what the right thing to do is. I hate not being able to have the answer right away. I usually go into deep thought contemplating the moral decision. I hate to see people hurt but I also hate loosing someone's trust. All of us make mistakes and we learn from them. (As I've stated plenty of times.) What I've learned is that it's better to tell what you know then let someone be hurt. You can always build trust up again, but sometimes, you can't rebuild happiness too quickly. In the end, its better off if you don't let people tell you things in the first place. It's what us humans do. We need to know everything. Still, we need to learn our boundaries and when someone wants to tell you a secret, remember it could have some negative effects. If you don't like secrets don't tell them. If you tell secrets, expect things not to go to well on your behalf. Do what's right, even if it may cause some temporary harm. <3