Cough. Sneeze. Blow Nose.

Okay, so being sick can be a positive thing sometimes. Even though I feel like crap, honestly that's the best way to explain it, I found time to write! This has been such a busy September. You know when you have no free time and yet your life is still boring? Well not to be boring myself, but that's pretty much my life. If I were to update you on my day-to-day life than most likely this would be a very bland blog.
First off, I haven't had something to write about in quite sometime.
Second off, after the month of October ends, even though it hasn't even started, I hope to have a lot more free time to do the stuff I love.
Here's an update on me though: I'm not my depressed yet optimistic person I was before.
I'm much happier, I mean we all have sad moment but that's life. I've become MUCH more optimistic and have been attempting to do all I can to just enjoy myself. It's so stupid to let irrelevant things bring you down. I'm young, very young, I have my whole entire life ahead of me! I still don't even know what I want to be! I can't neglect being happy just so I can be sad because it makes me feel more assured. It reminds me of one of the most truthful quotes "most people would rather be miserable than risk being happy." That's entirely true. It's time to start taking risks, adrenaline rushes, and making mistakes. That's why we were put here. to go through every emotion possible and figure out which one is the best for us. The majority of us, including me, pretend that we are sad so we can be pity or pity ourselves! It's ridiculous and I'm glad that I'm figuring out what emotions feel right for me. I want everyone else to know that they don't have to portray someone of sadness. One of my best friends has lost the sparks in her, that made me want to initially be her friend, because some stupid predicament is holding her back. She's content knowing that shes upset, rather than keeping an open mind and getting over it. I'm trying my hardest to help her, because I helped myself and I can say that I am truly happy. That's all that matters to me right now. I'm content with me, maybe someday more blessings will come but for now I'm absolutely filled with the joy of just living. Stop being certain you're sad! Get happy. I hope I don't bore you, but have an amazing day.
Lots of love to anyone that reads, you make writing worth it!

My mindless loss

I remember my mindless choice
Every time I see your eyes
Now someone new is blessed with you
While you become mine to chase.

Chasing you endlessly without tire
Because I see what I lost
While you carelessly smile
I gently weep.

Wishing I could rewind the clock
To when I was young and immature
I didn't see what I had
Until it wasn't in sight.

Though you may never know this
I really wish you could
But I know not to be heartless
Because you being elated is all I could ever desire.

So please continue to smile
And always remember to laugh
Keep your heart open
And maybe one day you'll be back.

And I shall bore and vent some more.

So I guess it's time for me to write. It's been so crazy lately with my entrance exam and all that extra stress that shouldn't really be there, but you know, my body and stress just get along dandy, not.
So, still beyond uninspired but a few things have somewhat encouraged me to write.
Number 1: People judging people. I hate it. I hate it so much. Yes hate is a strong word, and guess what, i just used it. What right do people have to judge others? I mean, we all are guilty of it, don't say you're not. I just don't get it. Maybe it's out of envy? Possibly out of boredom? Or just trying to be like all the other apathetic people. It's ridiculous in so many words. I get it, you do it a handful of times, it's human nature. To do it constantly is totally different. Everyone in my opinion, has an equal amount of good and bad qualities. Some people you need to look a little deeper to find the good ones, but that's what makes them, lets just say, them. I wish people understood how much hurtful capacity negative judgment has on people. Listening to people judge others is even worse. Without someone being there to defend themselves, without even fully knowing the person they're judging! It's horrible on so many levels. You have to know a person before you can even talk about them, negatively or positively. You can't base things on what you see and hear, but on what you feel about that person. When judgment occurs so many problems happen. It takes a incorrect person to know one, but before you judge, look at yourself. (I wasn't reprimanding or trying to sound strict and annoying, this was based on 100% personal experience.

I'll save #2 until tomorrow. By the way, more creative writing and talking about me is coming up, i just need a place to vent lately, completely sorry!

Wow.

Haven't written in a while. Longest week ever. I haven't leisurely read or written forever. (probably like 3 days but that's forever!). Wait for me, I'll be back!

I guess I'll start off saying sorry.

Sorry to whomever may read this and to myself for not writing the best that I can.
Truthfully, not many things have made me desire to write.
I'll start of with how I'm planning to work this year then. I want to succeed. Do all I can to be the best, at everything I do, or at least come close to being the best. Now, I don't want to be the best for the glory, though it is nice, I want to be the best for my own self satisfaction. Wait, I don't even want to be the best, I just want to be good. I've tried so many things, granted I've been good at a handful of them, but some of them I have to work much harder at. ( I still have yet to decipher whether I'm good at writing). You know, I had this one teacher, who I still love to death even though I haven't seen her in quite some time. She always believed in me. One of my close friends and I were reminiscing on past years and she brought up this teacher, he told me how she told him I was gifted and much good would come from me, so he had to accept some of my antics with some of my positive qualities. to be honest, just knowing someone thinks so highly of me, scares me. I want to live up to those expectations, more than anything in the world. I know I'm here for a reason, and I've known that since I was very young, I just want to understand what that reason is. What I will do to make an impact of the world. I have so many paths I can take, I just don't know which one I should travel on yet. I want people to remember me, in the most positive way possible. The person that did something to help them in some way, whatever way it may be. I want the satisfaction of knowing that people are thankful for knowing me, because I've done something beneficial for their behalf. I just want to do good. I really just don't know how to do it yet. I guess I have some time, but at this pace, it's not enough. I want that teacher to know that she was right about me. That I could do something to change the life of at least one person. This is crazy talk, believe me, I know. I feel as if I sound deranged right now, but I'm not. I just have big dreams. Enormous dreams. I always spill my dreams to my parents, and probably bore them to tears. I know they don't believe I can accomplish all my dreams, but my father said something to me after my brother said I would never be able to do anything, he said to me "the most successful people start with crazy talk, an idea has to start somewhere and believing you can do it is what gets you the furthest." Successful people always say "I never dreamed of being in this position," but I believe they dreamed their whole life, they spoke crazily sometimes and people never believed them, and now look where they are. So, I will try, to my best ability, to fulfill my dreams, to do good for at least one person, and be remembered for good. Sure I'm a dreamer, but even the most extravagant dreams can come true, with a little hard work and dedication. So dream away<3

By the way, I'm sorry for all this nonsense. I just need a place to vent and for whoever may read this, thank you, for even caring.

Worthy Weekends.

So, hopefully I get into my planned routine tomorrow. Writing everyday except Wednesdays and Saturdays. It will happen, I just have to stop being so sinfully lazy.
This weekend was so worthy, as you can tell from my very straightforward title. I went rollerblading on Friday, which was quite interesting, then on Saturday (my favorite day of this weekend), I drove up to West Point with a bunch of family and friends and went to the football game. I left my camera at my dad's house so I'll upload pictures of it soon. I was so entertained the whole entire time. We tailgated, had football games, watched the game, saw campus life, and experienced the awe of the Army.
It was very ironic as well. I went to see the game on the 11th. I got chills. Seeing these men and women, giving their time so we're safe just made me feel so proud of my country. Securing the general welfare of people and risking their own. It not only made me smile, but also inspired me, to want to do more for my country. Though I'm too young to do much, I still feel the need to be more active, at least know more about our history. Go deeper than just what school teaches us. There was so much simplicity and beauty in all the students at West Point, their conformity, yet uniqueness was so admirable. The spirit in them and their loyalty to America was so meritorious. These are the people that should be honored and in my heart, they are. I'm so glad I had this chance to experience such a fascinating life of these soldiers.
Everyday we should be grateful for them, and keep them in our prayers. Also, this post is dedicated to all those who died on 9/11 and their families. That day will never be forgotten in the hearts of anyone. It rocked a whole country and the effects of it still continue.
On a different note, I started giving people who deserved my attention, my attention. I was wasting my time with people who probably didn't truly care. Now I'm surrounded by people who do. I feel so much more content with myself and my life. Hopefully this year will continue on the route it's going. Have a lovely week<3

I might hold my pen with one hand, but my hand get's its strength from both my mind and heart.

So the infinite craziness and stress of school begins. That's okay though, I enjoy it. I already have to start studying for a huge test at the end of October, which for now decides my future. It's no big deal though, because if it was, I'd be stressed. Wait never mind, I already am! I wish this week was an inspiring one but it really wasn't. I read a reading at mass today. It was about using the gifts given to us. Figures that I was the one chosen to read this. I realized that I'm finally making use of something. I'm writing, writing things that could potentially help people (if they ever decide to read this.) Writing is such a beautiful gift. Something I'm so glad to have the ability to do. Not saying I'm great at it, not even good, just saying that I can write a sentence expressing my feelings. Some people can't even do that. I've been trying my hardest lately to make the most of everything in life. To go beyond expectations and realize greatness in everything, good or bad, can be achieved. Being able to go home and write about what I feel, what I see, what I do is so astonishing. No words from anyone's heart can explain it fully. The beauty of words, how they feel. The warmness and yet at the same time the sharpness of words. Superficial beauty doesn't hold a candle to the beauty of art. The beauty of words. The beauty of the simple things in life. Everything in entertainment is written, movies, television shows, commercials. It's starts with a simple pen and a powerful idea. Combined, it can turn into anything.
Aren't I rambling again? That's such a problem of mine, but then again, I absolutely enjoy it! Have a wonderful week/day/night, whenever you read this. Smile, and write because it's beautiful, as are you :)

efbwrbhkrgkgrknlrgkkrgkmrg

So busy! :( I'll write as soon as possible, hopefully that will be tomorrow. Just getting into my first week of school so the routine is getting back in check. Have a wonderful Day! Smile:)

Bright Lights and Childish Smiles

That was my favorite picture of the summer. That night was absolutely beautiful. School starts in two days. That's beyond crazy. I actually can't wait. I need my routine back! As soon as possible.
So last night I was reading and i put this lamp on my bed. It was a dim light. I by accident knocked into it and it fell on the ground. It didn't break, no, instead, it got brighter. So I realized something. All of us are lights and the only way to get brighter is to fall. We can't let other people take our falls for us, no, we have to take them, gracefully. We need to be shaken up, hurt, because if we overcome it, we shine brighter and brighter. There's not always going to be someone waiting at the ground to catch us, but that's okay. We'll brake a few bones and get a few scars (hypothetically of course) and then we can walk with our scares proudly and our bones stronger.
So today I met this little girl. Her name was Victoria. I was sitting alone eating dinner because my table was full at this party and she comes up to me and says "I'm sitting alone too." She joins me and she was just so bright on her own. So carefree and loving. She had nothing to worry about because she was young but also because she knew everything is alright. She honestly made my whole entire evening. Her genuine smile and sparkling eyes. There was something about her that made me smile so much. Of course, I was in need of her. We always get what we need, sometimes it's not what we want. She was an absolute doll and this is dedicated to her. So be like Victoria, brighten up someone's day with a smile. A hello. Anything. My friend and I used to go running and my friend would say hello to everyone and I would get mad at her for annoying so many people. Now I know she wasn't annoying them..she was making them smile. Kindness is greater than everything, especially when its from your heart and not because you want to be commended. Victoria's kindness was sincere. Though she may not know it, it made me smile inside and out. She was 4 years old. Please release that child like quality in yourself. It's not always good to be so serious. Have a wonderful day<3

Of All The Things I Still Remember, Summer's Never Looked The Same.

September already isn't it? That's absolutely astonishing. A whole summer gone. Now just becoming a fragment of my memory. Whether or not it's a good memory I have yet to decide. I always complain to everyone how boring my summer was, but now that I look back on it all, it honestly wasn't that bad. I had good moments and of course bad. But mostly, I spent my summer smiling and that's all that matters to me. So what, it wasn't a very captivating summer and if I ever wrote a book about it, my parents would be the only people to buy copies, but I feel as if I changed this summer. Maybe I changed because of this blog, but I truly feel, on a whole, that I became a different person. Sure, I still have my crisp sarcasm but I've learned how to control my tongue. I see things positively, whereas before I always just frowned. I'm finally appreciating everything I have, and not wanting what everyone else has. (Though, there are a few exceptions, I'm working on it) I've decided that everything isn't worth being sad or thinking I'm sad. I've come to understand that being happy is so much more rewarding.
Last night I was just thinking how unhappy I am, and today I realized, I'm really not. Okay, I know that's a little bipolar, but at least I'm thinking. My friends are happy. I smile so much and the person I have feelings for, though they may not feel it back, they're happy. That means the world to me. Knowing all the people I love are smiling. that makes me smile more than anything. I know that's extremely "cheesy" but it's actually the truth. These people complete my life and to see them smile, whether it be a little smile or a huge one makes me so happy. I don't know if you if you know of the tradition of wishing at 11:11, but I know of it and usually wish. Today was different, today I just smiled, I smiled because I have no need to wish. Sure, I can wish for something, but it's a selfish something and at the moment there's no need to dilute my happiness with selfishness.
I guess this summer was productive. I guess I changed and I hope I stay this way. I couldn't be more grateful for all that I have. Next time 11:11 comes around I'm going to wish for all of you, that you may be able to smile the next time you have an opportunity to make a wish. That you may be able to smile because the people around you are smiling. Please just be happy, it's so much less a waste of time. Happy September<3