TwoThousandEleven!

 Like this flower, everything is new, pure, when it hits midnight. 2011 begins, a fresh start. Sure your past is with you, but you're moving forward on your path. The reverse thing isn't how I usually do things anyway. Looking over your shoulder isn't healthy. Don't do it! (And it causes neck cramps!)

So it's going to be a new year isn't it? So long 2010, thanks for all the memories you gave me. 

2010 was, hmm, what's the perfect adjective for it? Unpredictable. It was a whirlwind of up and down occurrences and many smiles and tears. 

I feel like we all needed this year though. 

As a world, catastrophes hit us hard, but we're still working okay aren't we?

As countries, we battled our own fights in the midst of each other, but we're slowly recuperating aren't we?

As individuals, well, I wouldn't be certain, but I'm sure this year rocked us all. 

This year I started to figure out who I really am, who I want to be. The people I love and all those I know I don't need in my life. I survived loses, rose from fights, managed heartbreaks, and well I'm smiling again. This year was my first step to happiness. If I really depict the year, I can understand what things I need in my life and what things I know for sure I can live without. Maybe this year didn't come to the perfect conclusion, but as a whole, it taught me so much. 

One thing I do wish I managed to do this year though: saved the relationships with people I cared so dearly about. So many people this year faded into the background of my life, and I WISH they hadn't. Maybe that will be my resolution. Dig up those lost friendships. 

I met so many amazing people this year and to be honest with you, I have no regrets of 2010. Sure, there are things that could have gone much better, but they taught me things. Now, looking back, I have the experiences to go into 2011 making better choices. I'm wiser (though not totally wise) than I was, much more mature, and have a better outlook on the possibility of things. 

2011, I hope to worry a little more about relevant things than wasting my time on unnecessary things. I will hopefully improve the relationship I have with my family, and open my heart, allowing people to come in. Maybe I won't take down all of my walls, but I'm definitely making a hole in them. I'm just praying the right people will climb through. 
 So 2011: Me and you are going to be friends, okay? You're going to treat me well, and I'll be good in return.

Here's my little motto to help us get through the year, currently written very sloppily on my wall in magic marker (helps me truly grasp it, more personal, you know?). 

Grasp every opportunity with both hands, take risks, and forget regrets, or life is yours to miss.

So maybe this was a really short post, but I wanted to give whomever is reading, the opportunity to ponder their year and insert their own take on this reflection of 2011.
Just know, that this year will be better, because it only gets better. (At least that's what I'm telling myself! Staying positive!) 

I hope 2011 is a bright, blessed, exuberant, and impeccable year for everyone! I'm not promising no hardships, because we need them. We need them to make us stronger. So remember that we're given what we need. Don't let anything get you down this new year, live your life and live it happily!

Happy New Year!
Love,
Isabelle

You rarely win, but sometimes you do.

It's snowing like crazy here in New York! Brrr.

I'm so tired of my conventional, rambling posts.

But, at the same time, I'm quite proud of my dedication to this blog. Even though I have one follower, my stats are looking better, and hey, persistence is the key. 

So this week I've definitely gotten to know people in my life much better; mostly in the negative way. It astounds me how people can put on such an act when you initially meet them, and then their true colors shine through. I get so caught up in trying to love them for who they were when I first met them, instead of trying to decipher whether I should forgive their MANY faults and just dig deep and find all their perfections. Now, I know for a fact everybody has faults. I have so many, but the person/people I'm talking about have way more than acceptable. I'm deciding whether to confront them or not, but hey, for now it's definitely not my major problem. Anyone know anyone like that?

A FEW MORE WEEKS UNTIL I GET MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER! I'm definitely nervous, for now all I can do is pray. 
 That reminds me, I've been so neglectful of my prayers lately. I fall asleep before I get the chance. I need a good routine, I've yet to befriend this person(thing) named *sleep*. Please sleep, I need you, come into my life!
 
Oh, and I've been glued to To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Love, love, love that book! Once I'm finished with that, onto Palo Alto by James Franco.:)
"-I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see through it no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."
Such a powerful line from To Kill A mockingbird. Makes you grow in courage right when your eyes read it. I think all of us go through with things when we know we might not come away with the best outcome, but we do it anyways, because we see that golden sliver in all the rust. That one thing we want more than anything, though it's highly unlikely, we give it all we got and we push through and in the best of times, we snatch that golden sliver. Courage is beautiful. Without it, I'd be weaker than I was when I took my first breath. Courage has helped me to keep on moving, even when it looks like there's a dead end ahead.Turns out, it was just a hidden turn. 

Hope everyone's holidays are joyful and smiles fill you all.
Almost 2011! 
How time flies, but we made it through the ups and downs of another year. I've got a feeling 2011 will have it's golden moments. 

Courage and Love,
Isabelle

7 Ways of Looking at Christmas

Hospitality

Rejoicing

Joyousness

Festivities

Embracing

Faith

Yearning

A sudden vanishing of grimace,

Transfigured into amiable smiles.

The subtle warmth in the depth of peoples’ hearts.

Finally escaping its protective guardian.

Being shared with everyone who strolls by.

The reminiscing of years passed.

Sewing the separated fragments of families back together.

A reminder of the unfathomable love possessed by each member.

The ultimate teaching of one of the most priceless lessons,

In giving we truly receive.

The ringing of tiny, unadorned bells,

How the slightest gesture can emphatically change a life.

The red and green incandescence floating in the atmosphere.

The twinkling merriment in every child’s eyes.

A season of blessings and unity,

Along with nutriment, endowments, laughter, and desire.

Souls tied together over one common entity,

The majestic birth of a faith.

And So This is Christmas...

I'm terrible, but this time I'm not even going to waste time writing about how bad I am at keeping up with this blog! It's just repetitive and boring!
Well anyway, for whoever reads, even when I'm not posting regularly, I say thank you!
It's Christmas time everybody!

I don't know if it was just me, but this year I really didn't get in the mood, but that's okay, because I learned more this year than I ever have learned about Christmas. I was making up Christmas cards the other day, and I ran across this quote: "Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something besides ourselves." ~Eric Sevareid.

Nothing can get more truthful than that quote. Throughout the year, we're always just too busy. To busy to stop and remember the people around us. I mean sure, we remember them on birthdays and other holidays, but not like the way we remember them on Christmas. Christmas, and any other holidays celebrated during the month of December, bring us closer to the people we love. It's a reminder of the love given to us daily. This day is the day we can smile and laugh and forget the worries of life presented to us, we can give and we can receive and be merry and thankful. All the positive emotions are wrapped up into this one day, just like the presents wrapped under the tree. Sure, some people see Christmas as an obligation, but it's really not! It should be enjoyed fully. The love escaping everyone's hearts, the plastered smiles on everyone's faces. You can even find smirks on the grumpiest of people. It's one day, just one day to be effortlessly happy, no matter what. Christmas has definitely evolved over the years, we've kind of lost sight of all that it's meant to be. It's not about the hustle and bustle of buying the presents, it's about the looks on the faces of the people who receive them. It's not about the tree, but how we gather around it. It's not about making the food, but how we enjoy it together. It's not about the receiving of presents, but the receiving we get from giving. Most importantly, it's not about it being a holiday, but in fact being an anniversary, the anniversary of the birth of a faith and all he faith has provided to us in return. So on this day, the day we need oh so very much, remember the importance of the things overlooked, don't be stressed or angry, but smile! Enjoy yourself and be merry!

Have a very merry Christmas! May love be in your hearts today and may it linger there until next year!
Lots of Love~Isabelle

PS: A special Christmas poem will be up tomorrow:)

Hoping December is Treating you well!❥

"They say what goes up must come down but don't let me fall."

Merry December!

 (Pictured above: A light to warm your December and James Franco, briefly written about below)
So yes, I have completely lost myself. Well, not exactly, but lately life has just been a blur. School, school. Sports, Sports, Sports. Music, Music, Music. Meanwhile, I'm neglecting the thing I love the most, and that is writing. Lately, I've lacked in my concentration, due to the fact that I just can't seem to recover from my cold! Also, the fact that I don't want to disappear completely off the earth damaging my social life. I'm sure the majority of people can see where I'm coming from and know exactly how I feel. One positive though: it was my birthday Saturday! It's also the Holiday season. This year I don't want to let it pass. This season was my life when I was younger, the joy all around me. The way the cruelest of people allowed a smirk to shine through their darkness. I was elated, even though it was just one month, it lingered through me until the next holiday season! That's why I'm very thankful my birthday marks the beginning of it, but I'm not even going to touch on that since my birthday is the least important one this month. Anyway, it seems like life takes away from everything. The demands of people, and quite frankly the demands of work and obliging things scattered throughout our lives make it so difficult to truly appreciate the season and all the lesson it teaches. Today, I remembered the lesson of hope reinstated during this season. How we wait for that one day, or that one week, of celebration of everything that defines us as people. I also never forget the lesson of giving this season instills in us all. Sure, we do kind things throughout the year, but this specific time makes room for all of us to do something good. We do whatever we can allow, whether we give away old clothes, put our spare change in the Salvation Army buckets, or just smile at our neighbors; on a whole we possess much more hospitality.
I sometimes wonder why all year can't be like this, but that's asking for too much. As humans, our capability to be excessively kind every moment of our lives is low. It's almost impossible due to all the temptations around us, but somehow, the month of December unites us together, resisting those temptations, so we can just be happy. So we can just smile. Though, it would be stupendous to have that feeling all year long, all we can ask is that we are given the chance to experience it for one month. We need to cherish it, and appreciate it, and not let it pass us by. When beautiful opportunities are given to us, we should take them, especially when it gives us the need to celebrate!

Okay so that was my little holiday segment, let me update you on my week. James Franco, that's all I have to say. That man is so driven and participates in numerous activities. He truly is one of my biggest inspirations currently alive. I've been watching so many interviews of his and reading them as well, he's so assertive and articulate and yet enjoyable to listen to. Besides for that, he accomplishes what he sets his mind to. He's so driven and that's one of my goals. I want to be someone, not just anyone. I've never been the person to do the average, but go beyond. (Well, not in everything because some things I just really can't do: singing and drawing for example.) My point of mentioning James is that he helps me see what path I want to travel and who I want to become. Now, since I'm recently one year older, I need to get a move on it!

Tomorrow, I will be posting! Promise. Already have my idea:) It's about falling! Oh, and this month I have a Christmas poem prepared and for everyone not celebrating Christmas, I hope your holiday is filled with love and happiness as well! Best wishes and have a wonderful day, sorry for my unnecessary rants, but hey, at least I'm writing!

My constant rambling, feel free to fastfoward!

I'm absolutely terrible. I'm disgusted with myself and my lack of writing. Well this should be a long one. I'm not even going to bother making excuses for my laziness, instead just tell you how I've been sick for the past two days, perfect opportunity to be home and blogging. No, instead I waste my time online shopping and watching cliche Christmas movies like "Home Alone 4" and pointless shows like the "Real Housewives of (whatever location is on). I've been wasting away these past two weeks, due to the fact that I feel I have the right to. (I really, really don't.)
I could be doing these things:
Filling out my scholarship form
Studying
Practicing for my tryouts, which are in a week
BLOGGING!
Taking photographs to decorate my blog and my flickr
Socializing
Changing the world

So yeah, I'm a waste of space at the moment and I'm very tenacious about doing so.
Thanksgiving was amazing, my family is so beautiful, so fun to be around and this holiday helps remind me of that. I have so many blessings to be thankful for, I could bore you for a month talking about them. I finally had a day to say "thank you" for all of them. That day, in itself, is something to be grateful for. This country has so much, I have so much, I can't express enough phrases of gratitude for it all, but one day I hope God understands how appreciative I am. Than again, I'm such a slacker lately!

My birthday is this coming Saturday!

So now, here's the topic: forgetting.
I haven't written for almost 3 weeks, so this might be out of the blue, that I know, but the month of December will hopefully be a creative one! One last thing, can someone please tell me why I want to do anything BUT something productive. Okay, the end of my pointless rambling.




There are so many things that happen in life. So, so, soooo  many things. I wish I knew how to handle everything that happens. I wish I knew why you can have the best day in the world, and watch everything crumble the next day. I guess it's just part of the deal, we get to live, we get the chance to make our name in the world, we need to understand that there's always going to be the positive, but then there will be a few negative fragments mixed in. It's like when you get a little piece of the eggshell in the cake batter and can't get it out, you let it be. Sure, it would be nice if it wasn't in there, but you learn to deal with it. You just enjoy how great the cake tastes, instead of worrying about biting on that eggshell. That's life. We get over the negatives, and savor the positives. It's a funny way of working things out. It's just, sometimes it's so hard, especially for me. Balancing the two is difficult, and the older I get, the more problems occur. At the same time though, the more I learn to deal with the problems. Recently, everything was going exceedingly well. I was on cloud nine. Suddenly, everything dropped, it's like God suddenly turned the gravity switch on again. Thank goodness it brought me back to earth, but at the same time, it caused me way to many tears. Surprisingly though, those tears were short lived. I learned to forget. Forget what made me sad, and instead, realize the people trying to make me happy, and the things I have/had that made me happy. Nothing a mistake, it's just a lesson. It happened, you grow from it, you move on. These past weeks, I realized it's time to stop focusing on the lust in life. The gilded things, the gilded people. Instead, find the love. The people who glow inside and out. My friends are the most amazing people in my life. Sometimes, I forget them, try to find new people to replace them. It's so unintelligible of me. So thoughtless. They are there for me in an instant. Letting me cry on their shoulders and laugh at their jokes. They fill the empty spaces completely.
So, sure, bad things happen. They happen to us all. We have to stop sulking, thinking we're the only ones, realize it's a lesson, and FORGET! New things will come, greater things actually. Just wait, I promise. So all of you afraid of the eggshells, STOP! Enjoy your cake, enjoy it fully. You don't even have to share. And when it's gone, just remember, all you have to do it bake a new one. This time, you know something though, you know to watch out for those eggshells.;)

Well I hope you have a wonderful. eggshell free day! And if it's going a little rough, remember I care! Always here to talk as well for whomever reads.

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.  ~Thornton Wilder


I have so many treasures and I'm living my life right now. This blog and whomever may read it being one of them. Thank you. And to whomever reads daily, I will write in length soon!

"The assurance of things hoped for; the conviction of things not seen"

My belly button! :) Hey, it served as a good "o".
I haven't written on my blog in quite a long time. It's not like I've been THAT busy. Okay, maybe a little, but I have no right to be making any excuses. I do feel bad about not writing though; bad for myself, bad for any people who may read this blog. I definitely have not forgotten about it! I am constantly jotting down notes on topics to write about and things that inspire me. At the moment, I have enough topics to last me a month, or three.
Now, before I get writing, I'm going to give a little update on my life, without being to overly dramatic and quite frankly, annoyingly boring. My life has been busy, yet bland at the same time, but a tad bit more exciting thankfully. These past two weeks have been absolutely phenomenal and not to mention, informative. I've learned so much. Mostly from in depth conversations with people whom I usually barely converse with.
*Tip of the week: pursue new friends. You never know what someone's really like until you have a full conversation with. Besides, it's always fun to unravel the mystery of people. Just don't get too nosy. Let down that wall. (Just a minor bit)*
So topic of the blog post: Hope. Imagine where we'd be in life without those four letters. My life, along with the majority of the rest of the population's lives, are built of of that unifying yet unique word. If we didn't have hope, we'd truly have nothing pushing us through the challenges presented to us on that little path we walk commonly referred to as life. Humans go through struggles, struggles that define us, but what helps us push through them? Hope. We hope for promising futures, brighter situations, and abundant smiles. Hope enables us to dream and know there's going to be a future, even if the present isn't so luminous. Hope is in each and every one of us. One of our most powerful weapons, yet the most overlooked and forgotten. Hope is in the most simplistic terms, beautiful. It captures the essence of the bewildering souls we possess. The souls that understand the hardships handed out and are never weary of blissful moments. those who have hope have the mindset to get through almost everything. There's one thing about hope that is disregarded sadly and that is hope's sister: faith. Together faith and hope are powerful forces that help change dreams into reality. Hope helps us to understand the greatness in the future after we overcome our struggles. Faith helps us be assure those dreams will be put into action as long as we work towards them. All of are are given the intellect to find these two blessing buried in the deepness of our souls. It's those who use these to things that achieve complete tranquility and grace to remember to get through the crazy-ness scattered throughout our lives. So in conclusion, I HOPE that whomever is reading this joins me in my journey. May we find these two things and incorporate them into our lives. We might as well take advantage of what we're given. Have a blessed day filled with hope and faith.

*Thanks to all the veterans living in the astounding country. You're efforts filled with ideal examples of faith and hope and belief of a safer country have not gone unnoticed. May the safety you fought for, surround you your whole life. Thank you<3

45 Degrees and Nightly Sunshine

Like it was a vibrant movie
The way the wind chilled our spines,
I remember the smoke of our breaths,
And how you were the only thing keeping me from returning inside.

The first moment we ever spoke
The first moment I ever saw those eyes
How I wish I knew more about them
How many times they've laughed, they've sparkled, they've cried.

Life was so bland and conformed
With the same lifeless souls
Until yours came around and shined with dazzling beauty
I couldn't help but want to admire you as a whole

How you let me in so fast
And how I glowed the entire time
I only forgot one thing,
I forgot to make you mine.

I want you to know how you changed me that one chilly night
You're radiant eyes made me understand what I was missing
They made me grow greater than I ever believed I would
So this is me reminiscing.

You're gentle words
And abundant supply of laughter
You're glowing, open soul
And all the countless and lovely things I could never cease to mention after

Though you and I may never have that night
Secretly it stays in the back of my heart
Finally I can tell you everything again,
Let this be our brand new start.

“Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal.”

So guess what? I totally neglected my blog for almost two weeks. Okay, maybe a week, but still feel like eternity to me.
Update: I love life! Wow, I sound like one of those overly enthusiastic people who are always happy and you wonder why and sometimes you just feel like punching them in the face. However, I sincerely promise I'm not one of those people. It blows my mind that they have the energy to always be so peppy and upbeat. I do apologize, because this long postponed post is not about that. It's about how if you're persistent, the whole world could be yours. I'm going to be honest, last year wasn't the best year. Granted, it wasn't terrible, but I wasn't as, hmm, ecstatic as I usually am. In terms of years, I mean school years, because that's how I keep track of time in my life. Well, I wanted this one to be amazing. I wanted to smile genuinely and make other people smile which I rarely do. Last year I was a rock. Seriously, I had no emotions and I probably brought down the world around me, but I'm determined to become like, let's see, a pillow! Yeah, that's much softer. So I prayed constantly. For everything I possibly could. It almost came to a point where I wanted to stop trying, where I grew weary, but then I heard a story. If you get weary in prayer, no matter what religion, who you believe in, you won't get an answer. Being persistent, optimistic, and adamant when it comes to what you hope for, eventually, you'll be granted all you need and more. I realized that it doesn't matter what you believe in. We are all connected under the same stars and all of us can't survive without that one thing we believe in, so what is the difference in how we believe in it. If our "ruler" let's go with that for who we all believe in, wanted us to be the same, he would of created us all the same. That would of been conformity though and we would never have gotten the chance to experience life from other people's eyes. In the end, it comes down to us learning how to ask for want we need. To be humble and admit we need it and we need some powerful source to supply it, because we ourselves are lost. Hoping for the answer and never getting tired of asking for it, is what will bring it to you. I learned that and my whole life is slowly, but surely, turning around. I'm feeling good about doing good and everyone in my life is happy with me finally. The only thing left I could ask for, is that you feel the same way. So please, be open to asking because we all ask and if we ask correctly, we all will receive.
Well I love you all who take time to read this, if you do, and I'm praying for you, that all of you connected with me under the same stars may be feeling just as happy and if not, soon you will be. <3

A is for Autumn.

I decided I'm the epitome of inconsistent. I write, I stop, I repeat the process. So tonight, I will start the process over again and I will write. Today I actually went pumpkin picking! It was so great, finally enjoying the lingering essence of autumn in the air. The crispness of every breath you take, the sweetness of candy apples, and the boundless colors scattered throughout the sky and falling to the ground. I also got to spend it with my family and friends which just made today absolutely perfect.
This week went by so quickly, it's crazy. Last week took forever, this week went by in a glance. It was such an interesting week though. I learned to get over the problems that are so irrelevant in my life and learned that people are definitely far away from perfect. All of us. It's just that some of us work harder at it then others. People are also very naive when it comes to certain subjects. Usually, both those things are hard to take in. I'm not very patient, very indecisive, and not good at handling hostile situations. This week was different though, I learned to overcome those nagging problems.
Another revelation of the week: competition is so overrated.I'm usually one of those head to head competitors, but lately I've just been content with doing well and not worrying if other people are doing better. I guess it's because I'm so sick of always having the need to compete with someone. Now, I know I don't need to compete because I'm happy with myself and I'm slowly starting to get over always not wanting what I don't have. Though I guarantee that that problem is going to take forever to disappear. So, altogether, this week was hard work, maturity, and laughter all put into one. I'm definitely receding from those emotional roller coasters I used to ride on, but who knows when my life will turn into an amusement park. I hope everyone's week was great, and if they weren't, I hope this week to be a million times better. Today is 10/10/10 by the way. I find it so sentimental somehow. These special things that happen once in a while, it's well, cool.
Going to the Jets Vikings game on Monday! :D
By the way, enjoy the sock monkey hat picture, bought it today at a street fair. It's my new obsession! (hhahah)
Song of the week: Cosmic Love- Florence and the Machine & The Cave- Mumford and Sons

I wish my only choice would be choosing between graham crackers and strawberries.

Haha I'm sorry, but I had to add him on my blog. He's one of my favorite people, seems so sweet! I desire to meet him so bad! He's Mark Sanchez, NY Jets quarterback. I have so much faith in him and I'm so proud! He's doing well lately!
Back to blogging: Save Me! Okay, yes that's a bit over exaggerating, but seriously, decisions are tough!
I'm the absolute worse with choices. I can stare at a menu for hours and never find a decent choice. I just find everything to be either really good or really bad. Tonight, I couldn't decide between wanting graham crackers or strawberries! I need major therapy. Just kidding, writing is where I spill my heart out.
That is probably the quality about me which brings me down a tad too much to my liking.
Now, I'm faced with the choice that could effect my entire life. My future. College. Everything. Ahhhh. That's all I want to do is scream! I have to choose what school I would like to attend next year. So many of the choices are ideal but I can only go to one and I have a lot of thinking to do. It's hard, being separated form my friends and being taken out of my comfort zone. Little by little I have to peel away the variables and find which choice ends up with the least amount of cons. (Notice how I didn't say the most amount on pros?) I know I have to do what's right for me and I'm praying excessively that I will make the right choice. One month my friend. That's all the time I have to choose.
So, in the meantime, Kid Cudi, frozen yogurt, juicystar07, World of Jenks, and Mockingjay have been my stress relievers. It seems as if every person I see talks to me about my choices. I just want a break. Some serene time to think. Ha, like that's going to happen! My parent's are being a lot better lately though. Mentioning it less and calming me more. Their great, even though I neglect to tell them that. Just hopefully, after everything calms down, they'll realize how amazing parents they are. Though they may not win the award for the best examples, they are the best parents. At least for me and no matter how many mistakes they make, I love them to death. I'm such a good actress though. I portray the part of a daughter who is so unappreciative. I feel guilty though and hopefully after all the stress they'll realize I'm beyond grateful.
So if any of you have choices, if anyone reads, which I wish people did, tell me about it! It's great to know you're not alone.:)
Hope you enjoyed this strange post hahaha. Have a great weekend!

Talking 'bout my generation.

My blog is so boring. I mean I enjoy my writing, but hey, I'm the one writing so who cares. I rarely let you into my interests and I rarely put my pictures in. It's kind of mindless of me. I'm going to try to make it a tad more interesting in the days to come.
So I'm still sick today. That's why I have time to write.
Today I spent my morning by watching a marathon of the television show "World of Jenks." All I have to say is Oh My God! That show is absolutely riveting. Andrew Jenks, a film producer is the creator. He lives with all these remarkable people and brings us into their lives. It's breathtaking. From rappers to homeless people. Though I'm a little too young to do that, I wish I could. Change peoples lives while they change mine. He's also inspired me to have a lot more fondness for different people and filmography of course! It's beautiful. It makes me wonder what I'm going to do when I get to his age. He's changing the world little by little and keeping those from judging "the younger generation." We're not all useless. That's what agrivates me the most. My parents, adults, everyone older looks down on our generation. Our intellectual level, our skills, our responsibility, everything! I was reading an article the other day about how 2nd graders can't tie their shoes. It's a little much to judge so harshly, just because one person can't, doesn't me the whole generation is unable to be successful. If anything, it's the parents and the constant changing society that's affecting us. Complaints of being to technological orientated is also another huge problem of mine. It' not our fault that rules are more strict. They keep us locked up, well the majority of us. So all we can do is entertain ourselves with technology. Believe me, if I was allowed more freedom I would take it in a heartbeat. I can't even get my license until I'm 17!
I'm determined though. Determined to be one of those of my generation to show we're not a waste. People are so close-minded and conventional. They don't see the uniqueness in all of us and the variety of skills we posess. We need someone to be the sunlight to our skills and make them grow. We don't have that. I wish the adults could look at themselves. See the examples we're trying to learn from. A world of divorce, stealing, cheating, lying. The political world is in a craze. The financial world, just as bad. The moral world, the worst. We are being showed that money conquers all and vanity is all the rage. Not love. Not happiness. My own parents ruined their love over the silliest of sins and the majority of their fights were about money. It makes me think, are we really the generation that needs help, or do the generation that gave birth to us need it the most?

Cough. Sneeze. Blow Nose.

Okay, so being sick can be a positive thing sometimes. Even though I feel like crap, honestly that's the best way to explain it, I found time to write! This has been such a busy September. You know when you have no free time and yet your life is still boring? Well not to be boring myself, but that's pretty much my life. If I were to update you on my day-to-day life than most likely this would be a very bland blog.
First off, I haven't had something to write about in quite sometime.
Second off, after the month of October ends, even though it hasn't even started, I hope to have a lot more free time to do the stuff I love.
Here's an update on me though: I'm not my depressed yet optimistic person I was before.
I'm much happier, I mean we all have sad moment but that's life. I've become MUCH more optimistic and have been attempting to do all I can to just enjoy myself. It's so stupid to let irrelevant things bring you down. I'm young, very young, I have my whole entire life ahead of me! I still don't even know what I want to be! I can't neglect being happy just so I can be sad because it makes me feel more assured. It reminds me of one of the most truthful quotes "most people would rather be miserable than risk being happy." That's entirely true. It's time to start taking risks, adrenaline rushes, and making mistakes. That's why we were put here. to go through every emotion possible and figure out which one is the best for us. The majority of us, including me, pretend that we are sad so we can be pity or pity ourselves! It's ridiculous and I'm glad that I'm figuring out what emotions feel right for me. I want everyone else to know that they don't have to portray someone of sadness. One of my best friends has lost the sparks in her, that made me want to initially be her friend, because some stupid predicament is holding her back. She's content knowing that shes upset, rather than keeping an open mind and getting over it. I'm trying my hardest to help her, because I helped myself and I can say that I am truly happy. That's all that matters to me right now. I'm content with me, maybe someday more blessings will come but for now I'm absolutely filled with the joy of just living. Stop being certain you're sad! Get happy. I hope I don't bore you, but have an amazing day.
Lots of love to anyone that reads, you make writing worth it!

My mindless loss

I remember my mindless choice
Every time I see your eyes
Now someone new is blessed with you
While you become mine to chase.

Chasing you endlessly without tire
Because I see what I lost
While you carelessly smile
I gently weep.

Wishing I could rewind the clock
To when I was young and immature
I didn't see what I had
Until it wasn't in sight.

Though you may never know this
I really wish you could
But I know not to be heartless
Because you being elated is all I could ever desire.

So please continue to smile
And always remember to laugh
Keep your heart open
And maybe one day you'll be back.

And I shall bore and vent some more.

So I guess it's time for me to write. It's been so crazy lately with my entrance exam and all that extra stress that shouldn't really be there, but you know, my body and stress just get along dandy, not.
So, still beyond uninspired but a few things have somewhat encouraged me to write.
Number 1: People judging people. I hate it. I hate it so much. Yes hate is a strong word, and guess what, i just used it. What right do people have to judge others? I mean, we all are guilty of it, don't say you're not. I just don't get it. Maybe it's out of envy? Possibly out of boredom? Or just trying to be like all the other apathetic people. It's ridiculous in so many words. I get it, you do it a handful of times, it's human nature. To do it constantly is totally different. Everyone in my opinion, has an equal amount of good and bad qualities. Some people you need to look a little deeper to find the good ones, but that's what makes them, lets just say, them. I wish people understood how much hurtful capacity negative judgment has on people. Listening to people judge others is even worse. Without someone being there to defend themselves, without even fully knowing the person they're judging! It's horrible on so many levels. You have to know a person before you can even talk about them, negatively or positively. You can't base things on what you see and hear, but on what you feel about that person. When judgment occurs so many problems happen. It takes a incorrect person to know one, but before you judge, look at yourself. (I wasn't reprimanding or trying to sound strict and annoying, this was based on 100% personal experience.

I'll save #2 until tomorrow. By the way, more creative writing and talking about me is coming up, i just need a place to vent lately, completely sorry!

Wow.

Haven't written in a while. Longest week ever. I haven't leisurely read or written forever. (probably like 3 days but that's forever!). Wait for me, I'll be back!

I guess I'll start off saying sorry.

Sorry to whomever may read this and to myself for not writing the best that I can.
Truthfully, not many things have made me desire to write.
I'll start of with how I'm planning to work this year then. I want to succeed. Do all I can to be the best, at everything I do, or at least come close to being the best. Now, I don't want to be the best for the glory, though it is nice, I want to be the best for my own self satisfaction. Wait, I don't even want to be the best, I just want to be good. I've tried so many things, granted I've been good at a handful of them, but some of them I have to work much harder at. ( I still have yet to decipher whether I'm good at writing). You know, I had this one teacher, who I still love to death even though I haven't seen her in quite some time. She always believed in me. One of my close friends and I were reminiscing on past years and she brought up this teacher, he told me how she told him I was gifted and much good would come from me, so he had to accept some of my antics with some of my positive qualities. to be honest, just knowing someone thinks so highly of me, scares me. I want to live up to those expectations, more than anything in the world. I know I'm here for a reason, and I've known that since I was very young, I just want to understand what that reason is. What I will do to make an impact of the world. I have so many paths I can take, I just don't know which one I should travel on yet. I want people to remember me, in the most positive way possible. The person that did something to help them in some way, whatever way it may be. I want the satisfaction of knowing that people are thankful for knowing me, because I've done something beneficial for their behalf. I just want to do good. I really just don't know how to do it yet. I guess I have some time, but at this pace, it's not enough. I want that teacher to know that she was right about me. That I could do something to change the life of at least one person. This is crazy talk, believe me, I know. I feel as if I sound deranged right now, but I'm not. I just have big dreams. Enormous dreams. I always spill my dreams to my parents, and probably bore them to tears. I know they don't believe I can accomplish all my dreams, but my father said something to me after my brother said I would never be able to do anything, he said to me "the most successful people start with crazy talk, an idea has to start somewhere and believing you can do it is what gets you the furthest." Successful people always say "I never dreamed of being in this position," but I believe they dreamed their whole life, they spoke crazily sometimes and people never believed them, and now look where they are. So, I will try, to my best ability, to fulfill my dreams, to do good for at least one person, and be remembered for good. Sure I'm a dreamer, but even the most extravagant dreams can come true, with a little hard work and dedication. So dream away<3

By the way, I'm sorry for all this nonsense. I just need a place to vent and for whoever may read this, thank you, for even caring.

Worthy Weekends.

So, hopefully I get into my planned routine tomorrow. Writing everyday except Wednesdays and Saturdays. It will happen, I just have to stop being so sinfully lazy.
This weekend was so worthy, as you can tell from my very straightforward title. I went rollerblading on Friday, which was quite interesting, then on Saturday (my favorite day of this weekend), I drove up to West Point with a bunch of family and friends and went to the football game. I left my camera at my dad's house so I'll upload pictures of it soon. I was so entertained the whole entire time. We tailgated, had football games, watched the game, saw campus life, and experienced the awe of the Army.
It was very ironic as well. I went to see the game on the 11th. I got chills. Seeing these men and women, giving their time so we're safe just made me feel so proud of my country. Securing the general welfare of people and risking their own. It not only made me smile, but also inspired me, to want to do more for my country. Though I'm too young to do much, I still feel the need to be more active, at least know more about our history. Go deeper than just what school teaches us. There was so much simplicity and beauty in all the students at West Point, their conformity, yet uniqueness was so admirable. The spirit in them and their loyalty to America was so meritorious. These are the people that should be honored and in my heart, they are. I'm so glad I had this chance to experience such a fascinating life of these soldiers.
Everyday we should be grateful for them, and keep them in our prayers. Also, this post is dedicated to all those who died on 9/11 and their families. That day will never be forgotten in the hearts of anyone. It rocked a whole country and the effects of it still continue.
On a different note, I started giving people who deserved my attention, my attention. I was wasting my time with people who probably didn't truly care. Now I'm surrounded by people who do. I feel so much more content with myself and my life. Hopefully this year will continue on the route it's going. Have a lovely week<3

I might hold my pen with one hand, but my hand get's its strength from both my mind and heart.

So the infinite craziness and stress of school begins. That's okay though, I enjoy it. I already have to start studying for a huge test at the end of October, which for now decides my future. It's no big deal though, because if it was, I'd be stressed. Wait never mind, I already am! I wish this week was an inspiring one but it really wasn't. I read a reading at mass today. It was about using the gifts given to us. Figures that I was the one chosen to read this. I realized that I'm finally making use of something. I'm writing, writing things that could potentially help people (if they ever decide to read this.) Writing is such a beautiful gift. Something I'm so glad to have the ability to do. Not saying I'm great at it, not even good, just saying that I can write a sentence expressing my feelings. Some people can't even do that. I've been trying my hardest lately to make the most of everything in life. To go beyond expectations and realize greatness in everything, good or bad, can be achieved. Being able to go home and write about what I feel, what I see, what I do is so astonishing. No words from anyone's heart can explain it fully. The beauty of words, how they feel. The warmness and yet at the same time the sharpness of words. Superficial beauty doesn't hold a candle to the beauty of art. The beauty of words. The beauty of the simple things in life. Everything in entertainment is written, movies, television shows, commercials. It's starts with a simple pen and a powerful idea. Combined, it can turn into anything.
Aren't I rambling again? That's such a problem of mine, but then again, I absolutely enjoy it! Have a wonderful week/day/night, whenever you read this. Smile, and write because it's beautiful, as are you :)

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So busy! :( I'll write as soon as possible, hopefully that will be tomorrow. Just getting into my first week of school so the routine is getting back in check. Have a wonderful Day! Smile:)

Bright Lights and Childish Smiles

That was my favorite picture of the summer. That night was absolutely beautiful. School starts in two days. That's beyond crazy. I actually can't wait. I need my routine back! As soon as possible.
So last night I was reading and i put this lamp on my bed. It was a dim light. I by accident knocked into it and it fell on the ground. It didn't break, no, instead, it got brighter. So I realized something. All of us are lights and the only way to get brighter is to fall. We can't let other people take our falls for us, no, we have to take them, gracefully. We need to be shaken up, hurt, because if we overcome it, we shine brighter and brighter. There's not always going to be someone waiting at the ground to catch us, but that's okay. We'll brake a few bones and get a few scars (hypothetically of course) and then we can walk with our scares proudly and our bones stronger.
So today I met this little girl. Her name was Victoria. I was sitting alone eating dinner because my table was full at this party and she comes up to me and says "I'm sitting alone too." She joins me and she was just so bright on her own. So carefree and loving. She had nothing to worry about because she was young but also because she knew everything is alright. She honestly made my whole entire evening. Her genuine smile and sparkling eyes. There was something about her that made me smile so much. Of course, I was in need of her. We always get what we need, sometimes it's not what we want. She was an absolute doll and this is dedicated to her. So be like Victoria, brighten up someone's day with a smile. A hello. Anything. My friend and I used to go running and my friend would say hello to everyone and I would get mad at her for annoying so many people. Now I know she wasn't annoying them..she was making them smile. Kindness is greater than everything, especially when its from your heart and not because you want to be commended. Victoria's kindness was sincere. Though she may not know it, it made me smile inside and out. She was 4 years old. Please release that child like quality in yourself. It's not always good to be so serious. Have a wonderful day<3

Of All The Things I Still Remember, Summer's Never Looked The Same.

September already isn't it? That's absolutely astonishing. A whole summer gone. Now just becoming a fragment of my memory. Whether or not it's a good memory I have yet to decide. I always complain to everyone how boring my summer was, but now that I look back on it all, it honestly wasn't that bad. I had good moments and of course bad. But mostly, I spent my summer smiling and that's all that matters to me. So what, it wasn't a very captivating summer and if I ever wrote a book about it, my parents would be the only people to buy copies, but I feel as if I changed this summer. Maybe I changed because of this blog, but I truly feel, on a whole, that I became a different person. Sure, I still have my crisp sarcasm but I've learned how to control my tongue. I see things positively, whereas before I always just frowned. I'm finally appreciating everything I have, and not wanting what everyone else has. (Though, there are a few exceptions, I'm working on it) I've decided that everything isn't worth being sad or thinking I'm sad. I've come to understand that being happy is so much more rewarding.
Last night I was just thinking how unhappy I am, and today I realized, I'm really not. Okay, I know that's a little bipolar, but at least I'm thinking. My friends are happy. I smile so much and the person I have feelings for, though they may not feel it back, they're happy. That means the world to me. Knowing all the people I love are smiling. that makes me smile more than anything. I know that's extremely "cheesy" but it's actually the truth. These people complete my life and to see them smile, whether it be a little smile or a huge one makes me so happy. I don't know if you if you know of the tradition of wishing at 11:11, but I know of it and usually wish. Today was different, today I just smiled, I smiled because I have no need to wish. Sure, I can wish for something, but it's a selfish something and at the moment there's no need to dilute my happiness with selfishness.
I guess this summer was productive. I guess I changed and I hope I stay this way. I couldn't be more grateful for all that I have. Next time 11:11 comes around I'm going to wish for all of you, that you may be able to smile the next time you have an opportunity to make a wish. That you may be able to smile because the people around you are smiling. Please just be happy, it's so much less a waste of time. Happy September<3

Intertwining the deepness of my heart and the thickness of my mind.

Okay, so today I went to see "Eat Pray Love." This is one of the first times I saw the movie without reading the book, but i loved it regardless.
One line that resonated with me was "Select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes." I don't know about you, but I spend an awful amount of time choosing what clothes I want to wear for the day. Imagine if thoughts were clothes, how long would you spend choosing them? It's our choice to decide how we think. Whether to be positive or negative. Happy or sad. It all effects our thought process and the way we feel. We spend so much time on useless things, like what we are going to wear (even though I adore fashion), and we don't worry about how we think; how we feel. So if you decide to wear a dress, decide what thoughts are going to be paired up with that dress, not what shoes. (Or you can decide both, of course) I know when I'm wearing an outfit I feel confident, no one can stop me. Now, I just need to accessorize it with the perfect thoughts.
We are so oblivious and blinded by the way society conforms us. It's our turn to show that we can be our own people. We can be happy without being like everyone else. In fact, we can show them we can be happier. It all comes down to how you think. If you think you can take on the world, all the more power to you. We as a people try so hard to be what someone else wants to be, do we ever stop and ask: what do i want? I'm starting to ask that and I'm starting to find who I am, very slowly. I'm starting to understand what I truly want and erase all the things that I thought were important. To be honest, I feel I'm starting to actually feel things and feel them hard. Understand that we need to be tied to our thoughts, not distant from them. I'm starting to take no words lightly and examine everything. I'm starting to be happy and kinder and love a bit more. That's all I need. I was no where near to anything good before, now I'm starting a new route down the road I'm traveling. I'm finally out of the fast moving HOV lane and I'm content with sitting in traffic. Finding out who I am and where I want to be and not rushing into anything. These are the thoughts I need to keep glued to my head, actually, to my heart. My heart finally is starting to learn how to think. Now, it's not just all my head's work.
Think. Think beautifully about yourself, about your life, about how wonderful you can be. Stop just dreaming start actually thinking. With your heart and your mind. Soon, you're outfits really will be complete and you're emotions will make you unstoppable. And I promise, you'll be great.

So, I got a little writer happy, hey, I need something to distract me. From everything. I'm staying positive and I'm still hoping for what I desperately want. I've waited and I'll keep waiting and I feel it coming. I feel my wish will hopefully be granted. At the moment I'm so content though, actually a little beyond content. *By the way, I've never told you specifically about what I'm so desperately hoping for, but you can have some fun guessing:)*

Any shorter.

I'm just going to keep hoping. And wishing. And wanting. I guess I really do have bad luck.

Sunday Morning Rain is Falling.

So it didn't really rain this morning. But hey, today is Sunday. A very good one too.
Sunday is always very routined. Family day, church, sports. The usual. Today was a surprisingly beneficial one though.
I went with my father and brother to a botanical gardens by my house. It's absolutely gorgeous. Being in such a modern society makes it so hard to appreciate all of the simple things sometime. It was good to just be outside, away from the world, appreciating all the things people used to appreciate. Don't get me wrong, I love being in a modernized world, but we still need to appreciate the simple things. The very few things that haven't changed.
Then, I ran into someone. He said to me "never give up." It took me while to realize how significant those words are. I'm sure all of us experience wanting to give up things, even if we work hard, especially if we work hard, because we don't seem to be getting anywhere. I guess it's all about patience, some people succeed right away, but the others were patient and never gave up. Never give up. You will always end up wanting to go back and the majority of the time it will be to late. If you never give up, you'll finally reach the top. It's just a matter of how much you care. Never give up on anything or anyone, especially if you love them.
Lastly, I went to church. It's so helpful. Whatever religion you are, find a way to celebrate it, because it helps. I realized that you can't start at the top. it's just not possible. Besides, the only place you can go from the top, is down. You need to be humble and place yourself at the bottom, that way, people will help to carry you up. Don't automatically assume you deserve a place at the top. Even if you're placed there, it's very easy to come tumbling down.
Appreciate. Never give up. Stay humble.<3

I Guess It's Time to Forget the Past and Move Onto the Future.

This summer was boring. Just saying. I need some excitement in my life, but it will come. I hope.
So, all of us regret things, right? I pray that I'm not the only one. I regret so many things. I regret not taking opportunities. Once they're gone, I realize what I'm missing. Now it's too late. I honestly hope that God has opportunities on replay, that they'll come back when I really need them.
I'm starting to need them.
I'm so grateful for my lovely friends though, they help me get through failure. Or at least me feeling like a failure. My amazing friend said something to me today that made me feel so much better. She reminded me that everything happens for a reason. It really is true. You just got to remember that.
So, don't neglect to take your chances. I guarantee you'll regret it. I think I sound like a broken record, but whatever. It's just that if I could take back a handful of things believe me I would. Life doesn't have a rewind button. It also doesn't have a fast forward button so we don't know what the future holds. All I know is I don't want anyone to feel the way I do, so the few, if any, people that read this, I want you to do what I forget to do, so you can be as happy as possible. Don't regret anything, please. <3

" No man needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one"

That amazingly accurate quote is credit to Elbert Hubbard.
The reason why I haven't written in so long is because I was on vacation in Montauk, New York. A beautiful and entertaining town.
When it's not raining. Yes, you read that right. Raining the whole entire time I was there when I was supposed to be on the beach. Just my luck. Now I really do need a vacation. I did enjoy myself playing left right center and bannagrams. Go check out those games by the way.
I missed writing. I love it so much, but I'm saving that topic for a different post. That's past the point. I realized, that some people just give off bad vibes. Thank goodness I feel strange with these people or I'd be in a lot of trouble. Some people are meant to know each other and some people are meant to stay away form each other. It's just a question of where is that line drawn? So far, I've done a great job of choosing what people to surround myself with. I have a great variety of people and yet all of them are good influences. The people I know that would steer me the wrong way have been quickly led out of my life. It's just lately, I have just been so bored that I've been letting in the strangest of people. Gratefully, I was pinched, woke up, and now those people are slowly finding their ways out again. You can make it anywhere and be great if you surround yourself with the right people. So examine who's in your life, what they do, what they try to make you do, and figure out if thats where you want to be headed. If so, you did a good job. If not, gladly show those people to the door.
I guess I'm just going to wait. Until that one person, that one great person, come along and helps me out. At the moment, I definitely need some help. The only thing is, I'm worried that I already let that person pass me by. But as I say, sometimes you have to let something go to see if it will come back. I pray that they come back. I wish everyone, someday, gets what they need. <3

Pictured above- The nice weather is the last day I was there. The day I couldn't enjoy it. The other pictures are of how gloomy it was. My little brother gladly let me take pictures of him. That would never of happened if we weren't so bored. Oh, and I barely have any pictures on my blog. Thats will HOPEFULLY change. No promises. (haha)

Thoughts two & three

Now onto thoughts two and three of yesterdays blogpost.
#2: Love is abused.
In the last week I've had two people point out something to me. Roughly 90% of songs on the radio are about love and relationships. It makes all that seem so overrated. Why can't those things be special? Be something that is shared with the person you love, not the whole world. Granted, there has to be a lot of love songs still, but not almost the whole radio has to be filled with songs about love. It's like Valentine's day being every single day of the year and for us single people, it's "singles awareness" day being everyday of the year. It's as if love isn't special anymore. It isn't something we long for and cherish. It just seems to be a trend. That's probably why love doesn't last anymore. Because trends don't ever last, do they? If we keep treating love as a trend then it's not really love. It's just a topic of conversation, a way to make money, a way to fit in. But love isn't like that and it shouldn't be like that. It should be appreciated. Someone, somewhere loves you. They're not a pair of skinny jeans, or dark nail polish. They're not your new car or new video game. Once they get old, don't throw them away. Grow old with them. Love isn't a trend. It's a gift. That should last. My grandparents have been married for almost 60 years. When they were growing up, they had each other and that's all they new. They weren't trying to fit in with the crowd or follow trends. They just loved because they knew that was the only right thing to do. So many elder people are like that. We were given amazing examples, why can't we follow them? Why can't we just love, love above everything else?

#3: I'm dying alone with 14 cats.
Okay, that title wasn't necessarily true, and I pray it's not. I'm still trying to stay positive. You know if you think it, you become it. So I'm hoping I have and amazing husband and 4 kids, but who knows. At the moment, loneliness overwhelms me. I would probably be okay with it, if I didn't know what I was missing. I just wish I had that someone who appreciates all I do. Loves me for who I am. That's not too much to ask right? I need someone I can talk to and who I can tell everything too. But I guess that's too much to wish for. Anyways, that thought was pretty much pointless but I'm sure a lot of people agree. One day it will happen, I really, really hope so. I give my heart out for people and I try to be the best I can be, but I get nothing in return. One day though, one day. Enjoy my #2 thought, this one was probably annoying.
<3

Friday the 13th.

This week has put me into such an emotional funk. Well, not necessarily just this week, because for a pretty long time I've been in one, but this week put me over the edge. The deaths especially were the icing on the cake. I'm a pretty strong person, so being sad isn't really that bad because I usually pull myself right out of the dumbs, but lately, it hasn't been anything near that. Now, I just plaster a smile on my face and laugh whenever I'm given the opportunity. My life is fine. It really is. I have many blessings. But there is a huge line between fine and happy. I've been happy before, and that's why it hurts so much, because I know what it's like and I miss it so much. Enough with my depressing writing though, I don't want to drag people down with me.
So today I have three things to talk about.
#1: The Funeral.
Today I went to the funeral. It was stunning. It captures the essence of dying and turns it into a positive thing. Though it was very emotional and the water that filled everybody's eyes could prevent thirst for years, it was beautiful. It made me realize that everyone dies the way they live. If you live helping people, you die a hero. If you live hurting people, you die being hurt. If you live in peace, you die in peace. There are countless examples I could make and it's all the truth. We need to understand that death comes. It comes hard and it hurts relentlessly. But no on can prevent it. We can only do so much to make it a great thing. You want to know my one request? That everyone that comes to my funeral wears bright colors. I don't want people to remember me in sorrow. I want them to remember me in happiness, because whether they no it or not. I'm so grateful to have been surrounded by the people I'm surrounded with in my life. So we need to remember that every day builds up on our life shelf. That's what I call it. My life shelf. Each day is put up on the shelf. My goal, is to have each day be a trophy. I want it to be worth putting on that shelf. My mother told me to wake up every morning and say "how can I be a better person?" That's what i need to do. So every day on that shelf is shiny and makes me proud that I was able to live like that. I know I'm guaranteed to have some rusty trophies up there, but no one can have a perfect shelf. I mean, we're humans. We all have legacy's. Whether we leave them behind or not is totally up to us. We can live our life fully or fully forget to live.

Well I'll end with this. My other topics will be saved for tomorrow. Writing really does help you through so much, and I hope reading this does as well. Rack up the trophies! <3

My Odd Proposition.

So, I decided that my spontaneous writing about random things without an explanation is getting old. Why can't I be like a normal blog and tell about my day-to-day activities or choose a topic from the beginning and just write about that? I have no idea. My mindset is off at the moment. Probably just because it's summer. So, I decided once September hits, that's when I'll start writing controllably. Every day, I'll write about things that actually happen (of course they will have to be significant things, and the moral of why I'm writing it all will come at the end.) That should be much easier to follow and more organized for me. One of my goals for this year, since I have the organizational skills of a cat. (I looked it up, supposedly they're very messy!) Wow, I'm weird. I guess you haven't learned that about me through my writing yet. I feel like I sound so intellectual on these things. I just want to sound normal, average, so you can understand where I'm coming from and grasp what Im saying. Back to my point. I need a place to record my ideas and my feelings and this is the perfect place. I just feel it needs to be more organized. So September= beginning of organization. Since I also write poems and strange things like that on here, those are reserved for fridays. Hopefully I won't be too busy and miss writing. I hate when I don't write, or do something with my life. I was talking to my friend the other day and she said "I just feel like I'm wasting away my life." So, yea, I'm young, but I still need to be active and take charge of my life, and when I get older, hopefully it will all pay off. Or it can just be a waste and I'm going to regret being so on top of myself. But hey, I'm trying to stay positive. My life is bipolar, if I haven't said it before. It's sad, then happy, busy, then boring. I should be the next Miley Cyrus, you know, having the best of both worlds and everything. (Haha, I should work on my sense of humor too, shouldn't I?) Update: My new obsession is the reality show on HBO- Hard Knocks. It follows around the New York Jets football team. I absolutely love the Jets. (Don't stop reading if you don't like the jets!) I've written enough to bore you for a year. Have a good day!

Forever.

Forever I will love you.

I held your hand
You held mine back
I could see the way you glow
Even if we were in the midst of deep black

I still hear the words
You said to me before I closed my eyes
When my dreams would turn into nightmares
You'd be with me until it was time to arise

And throughout my bad times
You were always at my side
And whenever I was was at my best
You'd never neglect to tell me how bright i shined

I'm sorry for whatever I may of said
That caused you any pain
And what ever I had done
That caused you any strain

I honor you like no other
And love you even more
Life is way to short
To be living in the midst of a loveless war.

Forever I will love you.

Wake me up, when September ends.

Today was one of those days I can't describe. I've drowned myself in tears. I can't even believe I just wrote that sentence, I can't look at the word "drowned" ever the same. Life is precious. Every single moment you have, remember it might just be your last, or the last you see someone you love. Death hits hard. Especially when it's not common to you. So let me explain the reason why I can't feel my face, my face is dried from all the tears, and my heat is crumbling. I thought seeing someone get hit by a car was enough misfortune for the day. I thought that would be the only thing I'd have to write about, the only person I'd have to pray for. but no. God had other plans for this day. At first, when I saw the young person get hit by the car I was shocked. I mean about 13 years young they were. That was the first time I've ever seen my dad wear a seatbelt. At the same moment, my father and I shared something that is what God wants each and every one of us to know, how precious life is. We both saw it in each others eyes and knew that we only have so little time. Later that day I got the worst news I've heard in a long time, my best friends mom died at only 44. She drowned. How terrible of a way that is to die. I was only in shock. Such a good person. Beautiful too, inside and out. Why God took her, it's hard for me to grasp. God only gives things to people who can handle it, or people who need it. He wants to see those who can take the negative and make it a positive. Though it's extremely hard to see death as a positive, people do. My heart aches with the sadness filling the spaces around me. but behind every 3 tears of sorrow, there is a tear of joy. Joy that a community is brought together. Though it's sad we're only brought together over death, it's much needed. I ask you to pray for this family. Pray that they too will rise above and turn the negative into a positive and know that they have a beautiful woman watching over them day in and day out. In the end, this taught people, who didn't even think about events like this, to treasure every moment of life, especially with those you love. To not take things for granted and to love unconditionally until the very end. To know bad things happen but pray they won't. And to never ever forget that being alive is beyond amazing and that death leads us to new places and if you have faith, those places are good places. Overall, I hope people know how much an impact death has. You may not realize it when it happens to someone you don't know, but when it happens to someone you love, you finally understand. Life is a gift.

Lazy Days.

I guess I actually haven't been lazy. So the title is somewhat of a lie, but I have been very busy! It's been retaining me from writing as much as I would like to. But today I had to write because I realized something very important today. Confidence is key to success. Anything you do, you need to do with confidence (and heart and hustle of course) to be great at it. If you think you're bad at something, than you will be. If you think you're not beautiful, than you're not. If you think you're not worth bieng loved, than you're not. Everything starts with you. You need to know that you were made the way you are for a reason. Everything you do, you do it because you have the ability to, just believe and know, for a fact, that you also have the ability to succeed at everything you do. If you have confidence. To be great you have to know you're great before anyone else knows it. You need to be pleased with yourself before you please anyone else. If you start being great for others before you are for yourself than you already have lost. I finally realized that if I believe in myself and not listen to what others say, and only to what I think (only positive things I hope) than I will succeed. And I have. Be confident. Know how great you are, all your capabilities, and that the people that think they're better than you aren't. You're the best if you think you're the best. (But don't get to carried away. Stay humble but secretly know). You will win.

Driving Me Crazy.

Why do people insist on stopping you from doing what you love? Better yet, why do we let people stop us from doing what we love? Sometimes, it comes down to the point where you give up. Where you think there is no need to keep trying. You tell yourself it's easy to find another thing to love, but is it really? Love cones along in the strangest ways. Sometimes, you need an open mind to see where love pops up. So, when love does choose to appear, grasp it real tight with both hands, because you don't want it slipping away and you definitely don't want someone taking it away. I've given up way to many times before, but not this time. I'm trying to maintain all the great things in my life and I'm not going to let them be taken away now. No matter what anyone says, because I know out there, there are people who feel the same exact way as me. So if you love it, keep loving it even if people don't want you to. It's only your heart that you can control and it's only your heart that can make you smile.

My Wish.

Well, today was filled with quarrels and predicaments that were not supposed to show up today, but of course they had to come. I mean what would my life be without them? Easy possibly? Yet again, another day wasted with unwanted tears and piercing words. Anyway, I'm just to confused to write today and all I could think about all day were the lyrics to the song "My Wish" by Rascall Flatts. Even if you dislike country, you should seriously check this song out. When I got home I listened to it on replay. The words make me smile and I would kill to have a song like this dedicated to me. All rights to this song belong to the band, they're amazing. Just thought it would make you smile and maybe help you dig deeper into the lyrics.

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you

And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get

Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
(My wish for you)

This is my wish
(My wish for you)
I hope you know somebody loves you
(My wish for you)
May all your dreams stay big
(My wish for you)

compliments of http://www.elyrics.net/read/r/rascal-flatts-lyrics/my-wish-lyrics.html

Just to See.

Gaining speed
Just to be stopped in my tracks.
Finally being someone
Just to be laughed at.
Growing larger
Just to be trampled back down.
Genuinely Smiling
Just to see someone turn it into a frown.
Loving harder
Just to see my heart break longer.
Laughing Louder
Just to have someone's laugh be stronger.
Learning more
Just to see me care a little less.
Holding on
Just to see my grip be stronger while other slip.
Hoping relentlessly
Just to come out alive.
Only seeing those who care
Just to forget all those who could care less.
Being strong
Just to watch those who thought they were, crumble into a mess.
Letting go
Just to see what might come back.
Keep on walking
Just to see who's still stuck behind when I turn around.

Heart and Hustle and Heart and Hustle.

I remember advice someone told me a few years ago. Heart and Hustle. I've never forgot it, but I have failed to utilize these words at times. Today is one of those days. Each of us are given so many opportunities. So many things we can be. So many chances we can make the best of or totally blow. Some things we are naturals out and some things we absolutely atrocious at. (For me that's singing and dancing, even though some people think I should be a performer, it's just not my calling.) Then, there are some of us who aren't naturals , but work furiously. Those people sometimes go farther than those who just are born with the ability. It's all about heart. Having a brilliantly driven heart when doing what you love. You need to love what you do and show that love with the amount of heart you do it with. You could be phenomenal at something, but if no one sees that heart and desire in you, than you're not a standout, you just blend in. You also have to hustle in everything you do. Not just "hustling" physically, but mentally. Doing all you can and working your hardest. You can always do something good, be something good, but the amount of heart and hustle you exert is what separates the good from the great. I've been forgetting all of this. I do a variety of things and I'm very selective with which ones I put my heart and hustle into. What I forgot, is that to succeed at them all, equality is key. Giving an equal amount of heart and hustle into everything I do. I used to be unstoppable. I put every ounce of heart and every liter of hustle into all that I did. Now, I've let the positive feedback get into my head. Not anymore. I need to remember that the only way I'll truly be great is with these to words. They are now tattooed onto my soul and hopefully I won't forget them, hopefully I'll still be that girl with the heavy heart and constant hustle, because that's who I truly want to be. Not the best, but the one who tries the hardest. So keep these words tattooed to your soul. These words are more important than the names of the people who've broken your heart. So get those words off your soul and instead let these words flow through it. Do everything you have with extraordinary heart and ceaseless hustle and I'm sure you'll be just another success story, hopefully a success story who actually has a smile. Heart and hustle. <3

People Surprise Me.

The world is crazy and beyond unpredictable. What I don't understand is why people always complain about it. It honestly isn't as bad as we think. I mean some people's lives suck. I'm just going to be honest with that. Those are the people who don't complain about the world though, those are the ones that try to make it even better and strive to see what's so wonderful about it. It's the people who have it made that see the world as horrific. Figuring out all they have that is good is to easy for them. Figuring out what is bad gives them an entertaining challenge. What they don't realize is that they are the ones ruining this place. Sure, there are bad things, but imagine what life would be without sin. We would have no need to attempt to do good and nothing to inspire us to do good. Sin is needed to keep us on the right track and learn right from wrong. It's us who learn from sin that gain from it. The ratio of pleasing things compared to awful things isn't even countable. It's just our human, contradictory eyes make us see that ratio the opposite way. We have so much more fun complaining rather than praising. So much more fun seeing the negative and not the positive. So much more fun hating rather than loving. So much more fun doing the opposite of what we're supposed to do and that's what truly makes the world bad. We judge things without seeing the conclusive picture. It's like just being able to see with one eye, sometimes the sides are cut off and you only get to see what's in front of you. It may take a little bit of energy, but open that second eye. See what you've been missing, because sometimes those sides complete the picture and change a whole person's perspective. There is always a good side and a bad side. It's our choice to chose which one to view.